These Would Totally Work For Me

Okay so last week on Works For Me Wednesday I posted a list of ten things that totally work for me.  As I was writing that post I started thinking about things that would work for me, that is of course, if they existed.  So I made a list of those too.  In spite of the fact that they don’t exist, and likely never will.  You can’t stop a girl from dreamin’ right?

1.  You know how the post office has that forever stamp?  Well, I wish there had been forever gas back in 1995.

2.  Or forever groceries in 1945.

3.  Better yet.  My forever 25 body.

4.  Teleportation.  I could so do without airplane travel.  Or the long road trips with bickering kids in the backseat.

5.  And speaking of bickering kids in the backseat, Jeff and I frequently wish that our minivan had one of those windows like they have in limos.  What I wouldn’t give for a little switch that erected a sound proof barrier between the front and back seats.

6.  A little laundry fairy who fluttered in once a week and saw the whole process through from start to finish.

7.  An update on Rob and Amber of Survivor fame.  We love them.  I’m fairly certain most of America hates them but we LOVE them, even more so after they did the Amazing Race.  If Jeff and I ever get chosen to be on that show we’d be the next Rob and Amber.  Sneaky little devils weren’t they?  We’d so be them.

8.  A switch operated mattress zapper.  What, you may be asking yourself, on Earth is a switch operated mattress zapper?  Well, duh, it doesn’t exist remember?  If it did though, I would have a handy dandy little switch in the kitchen and when I flipped it my not-so-morning-friendly teenage daughter would feel an invigorating little zip run through her body.  She’d be up and at ’em in no time.

9.  Go go gadget arms.  I’m not exactly a tall drink of water and I hate always having to ask my husband to reach stuff for me.  Makes me feel needy and I’m not into needy.

10.  Some sort of honing device that would let those annoying cell phone salesmen in the mall know that I am under contract and not interested in the bazillion minutes or free text messaging packages that they have to offer.  It doesn’t matter how they tout their networks because I’m not willing to pay the big bucks that it would take to get me out of my contract.  How hard is that to understand people?! Leave me alone and let me shop in peace for crying out loud.

20 Replies to “These Would Totally Work For Me”

  1. I love the one about Rob and Amber. I keep thinking that they will pop up somewhere. I loved that htey were on the Amazing Race and totally bummed they got the boot so quickly.

    What a fun WFMW!

  2. Back in the day, when I taught high school, we teachers used to fantasize about installing those zappers on the underside of the desk chairs. Caught sleeping in class? Ha! Writing notes that had nothing to do with Macbeth? Gotcha! Talking when you’re supposed to be listening? Score one for the teacher!

    Ah, the “if only”s.

  3. You are SO funny–and clever, too. Get going on those patent applications, and send in that application for Amazing Race.

    My husband and I have also wished for one of those privacy screens.

  4. Definitely a “ditto” from me on the “forever 25 body.” You know what kills me? Before I had kids, I used to be so shy about wearing a bathing suit. It would take me an hour to work up the nerve to take my shorts and t-shirt off at the pool. Then I would practically run to jump into the water, so as not to be “exposed” in my bathing suit for long. Knowing what I know now (three kids later), I should have spent my 20s living in a bathing suit. All the time. Never take it off. Those were the golden days. :)

  5. 25 year old body? Um, yes!

    Rob and Amber – also love them. Did not see them on Race, however, because every time I watch that show I am just reminded about how amazingly awful I would be at it. Like, really. It would take advantage of every bad quality I have, particularly that i can’t stand it when things are not in my control. I’d be the player that everyone remembered as a total bitch to her husband. I can see myself that way every time I have ever seen it, so I had to let go, despite my open love of reality tv.

    And why are there no sound proof barriers yet?

  6. I’m with you on the ‘forever’ ones! And the go-go gadget arms one made me laugh – I’m vertically challenged as well and always asking my hubby to reach things for me. :)

  7. Rob and Amber rock!

    My husband and I have been devoted followers. We even watched the Fox Reality show: Rob and Amber Against the Odds until the series ended so they could appear on the Amazing Race All Stars show.

    I hear Rob is going to be hosting a new reality tv show this Fall. You’d think I’d have more to do than follow Rob and Amber. LOL

    I’m waiting for them to have little Rambers!!


  8. may i add just one item to your list – a tv remote that would work on kids. you know, mute, rewind, fast forward. now that would work for me.

    gotta say, just love your blog darcie. just keep me comin’ back…

  9. You’re spot on as usual.

    -To the best of my recollection I was paying .82 cents a gallon for gas in 1995!
    -Chris and I talk about that limo divider for the Odyssey ALL the time!
    -25 body – oh man. Yeah. I had no clue how good it was. Like Michelle I was shy about it then, but boy if I had it now I’d appreciate it. If I could look like that in a bikini again I’d be wearing it to the grocery store!

    (On a side note – I’ve noticed that my body really only went to pot after the third baby. Was it the third child, or my age when I had the third child? Hmmm….)

  10. I could really use a laundry fairy and a glass separating me from the bickering. What a cute list. I don’t have teens yet, but there is something about that age that just zaps it out of ya.

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