In Due Time
When Cass was first born I used to believe that she would break all the records for people with Down syndrome. I believed if I worked with her hard enough, if I just pushed her the right amount, if only I had enough faith in her, I could will her “normal.”
It may be inaccurate to say that I believed those things when she was first born. When she was first born I had very little faith actually. Really all I felt in those first few days was despair.
But then she had to go to the NICU because there was a hole in her heart. She lived there for the first seven days of her life. And in the neighboring bassinet was a premature baby I’ve come to call Anna.
Anna was very sick. Very very sick. The doctors had purposefully given her medication that paralyzed her because every movement she made depleted any energy that might otherwise help aid her growth.
I looked on at baby Anna when I went to the NICU to deliver my milk. I admired her tiny whisper of a body as I rocked my own baby while she slept.
One day, when I came for my regular visit, I was denied entrance because of an emergency in the NICU. I was only permitted to briefly go in and deposit my milk in the refrigerator.
There, right next to my daughter’s bassinet, I saw a crowd of people huddled around baby Anna. Her young mother was there, and her father. There were other people too, one of them, a priest.
That moment changed the way I felt about my broken newborn daughter. When once I had questioned God’s motive, I now thanked Him for His wisdom. When once I secretly wished He would just take this burden from my shoulders, I now felt humbled by the blessing He’d bestowed on us.
And that was when I began believing I would turn Cassidy into something incredible. Something who defied the odds. A miracle.
For a long time I persevered in my hopes. Every compliment from her therapists only served to feed my fire, reassuring me that my child would be unlike any that had come before her.
Gradually, the delays in Cassidy’s development became apparent. She fell further and further behind her peers.
To my surprise, I wasn’t crushed. What I always imagined would feel like a failure, didn’t.
Over the years my perspective, needless to say, has changed. Somewhat anyway. I no longer have my hopes pinned on Cassidy breaking any records, though my goals for her are still lofty.
What I’ve come to understand is that when it comes to Cassidy, my timeline means nothing. You can imagine the ways in which her very presence in my life has taught me patience. And, that, let me assure you, is amazing in itself.
Truly incredible though, are the accomplishments this baby girl has made in spite of the obstacles tangled up in her genetic material.
Just this evening, I heard a commotion in the backyard and looked up from making dinner to see Little Miss pedaling past the window on her bike.
As in, by herself. With not a soul running behind pushing her.
We’ve been working on and off since Christmas on the concept of pedaling. Somehow, she didn’t get it. For the longest time, she just didn’t get it. No matter how I tried, it didn’t matter. She just didn’t get it.
And then, suddenly, she did.
Today.
And though it might not break any records, I can attest to the achievement.
Really, I’m not far off of my initial belief that she would be a miracle because, well, she most certainly is.
Christmas 2007
Awesome! It’s true, our timelines mean very little… They will grow on their own schedule. Good for Cassidy!
I am crying again. But first, of course, big congratulations! There will be no stopping her now (do they make GPS for bikes?
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Now Cassidy has touched even more lives, thanks to you and this blog. How many hundreds and thousands of people have read or been told about her because of the things you say here? She’s a powerful little lady.
She’s definitely a miracle child - no doubt.
Darcie,
Every time you write about this amazing child you make me weep.
This piece not only shows her strength and character, but yours.
I love what the picture shows– her precious excitement; your Mama’s pride.
kellie
What a beautiful little girl! I have had several preemies and I met a Downs little girl while we were in the NICU. Her mom and I are very close now. Weve both had challenges but our friendship has helped so much!
Thanks for sharing this story!
Oh, I know how this must feel. Just at 7 Noah is finally riding his bike (still with training wheels, but I’ll take it!) And this post was so moving. Cassidy is incredible. YOU are incredible.
Steph
Give her a hug and a kiss from Nana! I’m proud of her.
Beautiful post. What a lesson Cassidy has taught you…taught us. Thanks for sharing this moment.
Hi to Cassidy and lots of hugs and kisses.
Wow, its the littlest things that are the biggest and makes some of us realize what blessings we have…
It’s amazing how sometimes the smallest of things can be miracles. She’s incredible, and so are you for believing in her every step of the way.
What a great story! So true in so many ways!
She is incredible and is so very lucky to have amazing parents as you are!
much love, jen
That is such a sweet picture. I find your journey with Cassidy inspiring and touching. Yay for her learning to ride her bike!
That is a great post. An amazing girl.
Thank you for sharing her with us.
Oh, stop it! Great post. Must get myself together again.
What a precious post! My heart hurts for baby Anna’s parents. And my heart soars at the thought of Cassidy pedaling away on her bicycle. Congratulations! :o)
So beautiful…I just love this post, and hooray for Cassidy! What a big girl
I’m also so sorry for the children that are the Anna’s of the world…
CONGRATULATIONS CASSIDY….TELL MOM TO RELAX! YOU’LL DO JUST FINE! WITH GOD ON YOUR SIDE HOW CAN YOU LOSE!!!
GOD BLESS AND HAPPY BIKING!
What a great story! I hadn’t read anything about Cassidy before and she sounds like an amazing little blessing in your life and the lives of those around her.
What a wonderful accomplishment for her today! She is fortunate to have such a proud, supportive and loving mom.
WOW, I feel so happy seeing Cassidy ride her bike on her own! She must have really wanted to be able to ride that bike since she continued to practice until she got it right. I like her style, she keeps trying and chuggin’ along. That’s the way to do it! Her drive and winning attitude will serve her well. She has the BEST smile! She just warms my heart.
It is clear that you have done a fantastic job teaching her to always keep reaching. Keep reaching, Cassidy!!
I am so excited to hear that she figured it out on her own! She has the smile of a THOUSAND stars, and the drive that will make her defeat everything. Those “timelines” and schedules are a bunch of hooey! They were made - I am quite certain - by someone who doesn’t have children and never did. They are all different, they all develop differently, and so in their own time they will find their way. She has found hers, by helping you find yours. You are a team. The best team ever a mom and her daughter!
Hi, my friend! I’ve missed dropping in here, and what a great post to come back to! She is amazing in every way…and that smile of hers can make a bad day better instantly. She is indeed a miracle.
WAY TO GO CASSIDY!
Thanks for sharing your story and her wonderful accomplishments. I read on some blog the term “special purpose” children and it stuck with me. Kids like Cassidy and my son Ian have a special purpose in this world. And often times it takes a while to reveal itself and other times it comes quickly. Ian has CP and has come so far since his 30 day stay in the NICU. Pop over to my blog if you have a minute to read about his latest accomplishement. He makes me proud every day, as I’m sure Cassidy does for you!
Keep up the good work Cassidy!
Darcie -this post just completely warms my heart and that picture is priceless.
Thank you so much for sharing!
So very sweet… Look at how proud she is sitting on her bike! Every child has their own timeline as to when they learn new skills, and it’s so amazing to see a new one accomplished, no matter where, when or how.
Way to go, Cassidy!