Friends don’t let friends drive drunk.
Or so say they say.
But they have it all wrong.
According to Torri at least.
You remember how I told you Cassidy has taken to, ahem, expelling excess bodily air in all sorts of fun ways? Well, Torri, being the epitome of teenage sophistication, is really quite disgusted by the barbaric ways of her younger sister. Unfortunately for Torri though, Cassidy isn’t easy to coerce. Believe me; I’ve tried. Bribery, praise, rewards, and even the tried and true methods of multiple behavioral specialists have all failed up against Cassidy’s abominable ways.
That Torri though, she’s a resourceful one.
She asked Cassidy one day if she’d like to be best friends. And, wouldn’t you know it, Cassidy accepted Torri’s selfless offer of primo friendship status. Unlike the friends Cassidy is used to having though, Torri’s friendship comes at a price.
A price that Cassidy and the rest of us hear repeated multiple times throughout the day.
It happens while we’re in the car. Or as we’re walking into the grocery store. And even sometimes at the dinner table.
Burp.
Fart.
Burp. Burp.
Fart.
Fart. Burp. Burp. Burp.
Fart.
Depending on the volume and rhythm of the burping/farting pattern, I have to admit that sometimes, we all have to stifle a laugh. Go ahead. Sigh disapprovingly if you want to but believe me, if you heard the way this little girl can rip ‘em you’d be giggly too.
Not Torri though.
Her disgust is palpable. But she is not deterred.
“Cassidy,” she says to the offender, “are we friends?”
“No,” Cassidy answers, knowing the error of her ways.
“That’s right. We’re not. Because what don’t best friends do?”
“Burp. Or fwart.”
(See how clever Torri is? She doesn’t even like to say the words so she phrases her questions so that Cassidy has to.)
The mantra is commonly known among each and every member of our household:
Best friends don’t burp.
Best friends don’t fwart.
I suppose that perhaps the textbook mother might intervene at some point, and instruct her teenage daughter in the ways of compassion and patience and understanding.
Frankly though my patience for the flatulence and belching is wearing quite thin. I for one am willing to see if the mantra will be more successful than my boring old-school methods.
I’ll let you know how it goes.
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
I’m stifling a laugh over here just thinking about it! That Torri IS rather clever. I used to do the “best friend” thing to my brother when we were little…worked like a charm.
Peer pressure…sometimes it’s a good thing Darcie!
VERY FUNNY! GOOD LUCK!
Torri needs to come over and work with my little girl. She can rip ‘em and gets going when she can’t stop laughing. It’s comical – you can’t help but chuckle. We remind her that it’s not appropriate but she doesn’t quite get it. I’d hate for her to lose it at school. I don’t think she would enjoy that kind of attention in front of classmates.
This is so funny! I have 3 boys and so far it hasn’t become an issue but now I have an idea for handling it just in case it does become an issue. Maybe you and Torri should write a book.
That’s hilarious! Good for her, clever girl. That resourcefulness will serve her well in life. And there’s no way I’d intervene on that one – any port in a storm, baby!
But just think, if she didn’t let it out her little tummy could explode!
Sorry, Torri….I’m with Cassidy on this one!
I’m with Torri…not a fan of bodily noises.
It will be interesting to see if her method will work in the long term!
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