Friends don’t let friends drive drunk.

Or so say they say.

But they have it all wrong.

According to Torri at least.

You remember how I told you Cassidy has taken to, ahem, expelling excess bodily air in all sorts of fun ways?  Well, Torri, being the epitome of teenage sophistication, is really quite disgusted by the barbaric ways of her younger sister.  Unfortunately for Torri though, Cassidy isn’t easy to coerce.  Believe me; I’ve tried.  Bribery, praise, rewards, and even the tried and true methods of multiple behavioral specialists have all failed up against Cassidy’s abominable ways.

That Torri though, she’s a resourceful one.

She asked Cassidy one day if she’d like to be best friends.  And, wouldn’t you know it, Cassidy accepted Torri’s selfless offer of primo friendship status.  Unlike the friends Cassidy is used to having though, Torri’s friendship comes at a price.

A price that Cassidy and the rest of us hear repeated multiple times throughout the day. 

It happens while we’re in the car.  Or as we’re walking into the grocery store.  And even sometimes at the dinner table.

Burp.

Fart.

Burp.  Burp.

Fart.

Fart.  Burp.  Burp.  Burp. 

Fart.

Depending on the volume and rhythm of the burping/farting pattern, I have to admit that sometimes, we all have to stifle a laugh.  Go ahead.  Sigh disapprovingly if you want to but believe me, if you heard the way this little girl can rip ‘em you’d be giggly too.

Not Torri though.

Her disgust is palpable.  But she is not deterred.

“Cassidy,” she says to the offender, “are we friends?”

“No,” Cassidy answers, knowing the error of her ways.

“That’s right.  We’re not.  Because what don’t best friends do?”

“Burp.  Or fwart.”

(See how clever Torri is?  She doesn’t even like to say the words so she phrases her questions so that Cassidy has to.)

The mantra is commonly known among each and every member of our household:

Best friends don’t burp.

Best friends don’t fwart.

I suppose that perhaps the textbook mother might intervene at some point, and instruct her teenage daughter in the ways of compassion and patience and understanding.

Frankly though my patience for the flatulence and belching is wearing quite thin.  I for one am willing to see if the mantra will be more successful than my boring old-school methods.

I’ll let you know how it goes.

I watched Oprah today.  

I know the dangers of talking politics on my blog (I might offend someone-like I’ve never done that  before) but I can’t really hold my tongue on this one.  It really wouldn’t have bothered me so much had it not come on the heels of that Presidential debate last night.

Today’s show was supposed to deliver money saving tips for families like mine.  It promised to give all kinds of hints as to how we could uncover tons of money that we’re already making and, apparently, blowing, all without knowing it.

I guess Oprah has never seen my checkbook.

I’m one of those who balances the checkbook down to the penny.  Every other day.  I also log on to my credit card account sites and rectify those with my own records each and every week.  At any given moment I can tell you exactly what the balance of my checking, savings, and credit card accounts are.  Because I’m wild and free like that.

Anyway, on today’s Oprah she opened the show with some yahoo coming on and explaining why our country is facing an economic crisis.  And how this gigantic mess started because “all of us” chose to live beyond our means and accept loans and mortgages for far more than “we” knew “we’d” ever be able to repay.  This bail out, he explained, is necessary because of the collective poor financial choices “we’ve” all made.

Um, all of us?  Really?

Because last I checked my husband and I very carefully considered and reconsidered the amount of money we were willing to borrow.  And when we built our house we weighed which options were most important to us because we knew we couldn’t afford all the things we wanted. 

It was a novel idea really. 

We created a budget.  We stuck to it. 

Shocking, I know.

Yet, in spite of all that planning and disciplined decision making we’re being lumped in with a group of Americans who didn’t take those same precautions.

It’s all a bit frustrating.

Please don’t include me in that group of entitled folks who chose instant gratification over calculated decision making.

I’m totally over entitlement.

There is a well-known Senator from Illinois who exacerbates this mentality.  I watched the debate the other night and had to keep from choking myself when he spoke.  Because here’s the thing:

When the Declaration of Independence was penned, it set forth certain rights for us.  Those are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.  Notice that we aren’t guaranteed happiness, rather, we are guaranteed the right to pursue it.  They didn’t guarantee us large homes, SUV’s, or even health care.  What they did was establish for us the opportunity to earn all of the above if we so desire.  Not have those things handed to us on a silver platter.

As Americans we are not limited by the things that people in other parts of the world are limited by.  We don’t have militia men raping our women and stealing our children.  Women in this country are free, encouraged even, to go to college and be every bit as successful as their male counterparts.  We can practice whatever religion we are compelled to practice.  We can live and believe and be.  And these things, these things are the gifts that come hand in hand with being an American.

Everything else?  Everything else you work for. 

You see because the fact that a fellow American has more wealth than you or I do does not entitle either of us to that person’s fortune.  Contrary to what that certain Senator might think.

I heard him use the word fair over and over again in that debate the other night.  Didn’t his Momma tell him that life isn’t fair?

Is it fair that a wealthy person pay upwards of 25% of his or her income in taxes when someone with less of an income pay 15% or less?  No.  It isn’t.  Spin it anyway you want but the answer remains.  It’s not fair.  We all live here and drive the same roads and have the opportunity to send our kids to the same public schools.  So why shouldn’t we all pay the same percentage of our income in taxes?  Why isn’t there an across the board tax rate?  I’ll tell you why.  Because not everything in life is fair.  It’s a valuable lesson and I truly believe we’d go a lot further if everyone learned it. 

I guess I should stop now because I’ve likely offended two or three of you.

In closing, I’ll just say this: remember that list Kennedy wanted me to make, calling out people who smell bad?

Well, I’m not naming any names, but there happens to be a certain Socialist Senator at the top of it.  And that freak who was on Oprah today isn’t far behind.

Are you a fan of pumpkin?  I’m a fan of pumpkin.  Pumpkin bars, pumpkin bread, pumpkin pie – you name it, I’ll eat it.  Last fall, in my quest to find a new way to infuse pumpkin into my seasonal baking frenzy, I discovered a recipe that will forevermore go down as one of my absolute favorites.

Iced Pumpkin Cookies.

You can thank me later.

Cookie dough
2.5 c. all purpose flour (don’t even try substituting with whole wheat flour – I can assure you it doesn’t work)
1 t. baking powder
1 t. baking soda
2 t. cinnamon
1/2 t. nutmeg
1/2 t. cloves
1/2 t. salt
1/2 c. softened butter
1 1/2 c. sugar
1 c. canned pumpkin
1 egg
1 t. vanilla

Icing
2 c. powdered sugar
3 T. milk
1 T. melted butter
1 t. vanilla

Preheat oven to 300 degrees.  Combine flour, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon, nutmeg, ground cloves and salt in a mixing bowl and stir to combine.  Set aside.  In medium bowl, cream the 1/2 c. butter and sugar until light and fluffy.  Add pumpkin, egg, and vanilla to mutter mixture and beat until creamy.  Mix in dry ingredients.  Drop on cookie sheet by tablespoonfuls; flatten slightly (or don’t it still works just fine).  Bake for 15-20 minutes in the preheated oven.  Cool cookies and then drizzle glaze with a fork.

For real.  These are dee-vine.

For more works for me Wednesday tips, suggestions and recipes, visit That Family!

Remember how I told you my internet connection has been severely lacking lately?  Turns out we need a new modem.  Rest assured that one has been ordered and we’ve been guaranteed quick shipment and delivery.  But, as it turns out, maybe my lack of internet accessibility isn’t such a bad thing after all…

This is the before.  I’m almost ashamed to post it.

And this is the after.

The inspiration came from my former desert neighbor, Kellie, at La Vida Dulce.

Now I’m off to tackle my dust-ridden laundry room.  If you don’t hear from me within a couple of days, send help.

I’m a bad vacationer.  Or, rather, a bad returning home from vacationer.  We’ve been home all of five days and already I’m itching to start planning our next Walt Disney World vacation. 

I know.  I have issues.

Seeing as how it’s a tad early to start planning the details of our next trip (even for a compulsive planner like myself) I’ve begun planning a different trip.  I’ve decided to head up to the White Mountains of Arizona come the New Year.  And after the nonstop entertainment and fun that we had at Walt Disney World, our upcoming mountain retreat should be a real respite.

It’s not that I’m lazy and I don’t like the work I have to do to keep our house running.

Well, maybe it is that.  But I swear there’s more to it than that.

I’m a family kind of gal.  I love being surrounded by my peeps.  And coming off of that two week extended family time has been tough on me.

I even planned a little outing this past weekend to carry on that vacation mentality as long as I possibly could.  We set off on Saturday morning for a short drive down to the booming desert town of Willcox, Arizona.  Typically Willcox wouldn’t be high on my list of Arizona tourist stops, but it is  the home of the closest (if not the only) U-pick farm in Southern Arizona.  We’ve gone in the past to pick peaches but this was the first time we’ve ventured yonder to try our hand at gathering bushels of apples. 

It may just have been the last time too.

Cassie, my little lover of picnics, suggested we bring lunch along for our little day trip.  And, wanting to stretch out that family time as much as I could, I kindly obliged.  I even made a fresh broccoli salad (totally delicious by the way) and a batch of the most amazing iced pumpkin cookies you will ever try (recipe coming soon).  We loaded up our stuff and sixty minutes later there we were in Willcox, searching for a park (any park would do really) in which to spread our blanket and dig in. 

Apparently it was our lucky day because the one and only park that we could find was hosting a carnival of sorts.  And believe me when I tell you that each and every car in Willcox (except the ones on blocks in the front yards) was lined up on the main drag trying to get in to the parking lot. 

Oh and the wind.  The wind was something nasty down there this weekend.  Remember the haboob?  This wind was no haboob, but the remnants of those swirling dust funnels didn’t add much taste to our turkey sandwiches.  That is, of course, for those of us who actually got the chance to eat them before the wind up and carried them off into the wild blue yonder.

Being the brave desert dweller I am though we put that dusty picnic failure behind us and set out in search of better things.  Apples to be precise.

The kids were all decked out in their long apple picking pants.  We set out to the orchard with our apple pole and buckets firmly in hand.  And even when we saw other apple pickers heading back in with nary an apple in hand we weren’t deterred. 

We inspected the first row of trees: empty. 

The second row: fruitless.

The third row: completely barren.

And so it went.  Row after row we went searching high and wide for even a single Granny Smith that we could harvest.  It wasn’t to be though.

Um, where are the apples people?

Apparently the first weekend in October is too late in the game to go apple pickin’.

At least if you’re a desert dweller.

My friend Beth over at Total Mom Haircut had much better luck up in Pennsylvania.

It’s cool though.

I’ve been wanting to check out the Farmer’s Market for a long time anyway.

You’ll know where to find me come Saturday morning.

We’re having some major internet connectivity issues around these parts.  I wanted to get this post up last night so that you could all check out some of my favorite vacation pictures, but alas, it wasn’t to be.  And rather than ramble on and risk losing my connection again, I’m going to let the pictures do the talking and get them up before my internet goes down again.  Enjoy!

Why is it that when you are waiting for your Walt Disney World vacation to begin, the two week countdown slowly drags by but when you are actually at  Walt Disney World for a two week vacation that same period of time scoots by like a scuttlebug cuttin’ a rug?

We’re home.  And, yes, even after two weeks at the Mouse house I was sad when our vacation came to a close.

We had an absolutely magical time though.  Here’s a breakdown of the good:

- not one but two Mickey’s Not So Scary Halloween Parties to attend
- seeing and touring with my SIL who flew down from DC to join the fun
- delicious meals in some of Disney’s signature restaurants
- visiting both Typhoon Lagoon and Blizzard Beach (Disney’s water parks) for the first time
- not worrying about planning for, preparing, or cleaning up after two week’s worth of meals
- tasting foods and wine from around the world during the Food and Wine Festival at Epcot
- being invited to attend a sneak preview of the new Tink movie (which by the way comes out on Disney DVD on October 28th).
- the opportunity to hang with my peeps when all but one of my Moms Panel crew (plus our beloved Disney Cast Member friends) flew in for the Expedition Everest 5K at Animal Kingdom
- and speaking of the EE5K, did I mention I was participating?  More on that later…

In spite of being surrounded by pixie dust for two whole weeks, we did encounter one or two less-than-magical happenings.  Luckily this list is much shorter than my first:

- bickering kids.  It seems that with only 13 percent of the square footage we’re used to having at home the 380 square foot hotel room was a tad cramped once we crammed all six of us into it. 
- weight gain.  I came home five pounds heavier.  Yeah, um, apparently the fact that my running shoes, shorts, and sports bra were hanging out in the suitcase didn’t do much for the toning and trimming of the mom bod.  Whatever.
- ER visit.  No, not the filming set.  Jayce developed a sudden onset of croup eight nights in that landed Jeff and I in the hospital with him from about 3am until 7am.  And wouldn’t you know it was the night before that 5k I was supposed to be running?  You can imagine what that did for my athletic stamina.

I’m proud to report though, that in spite of that little medical emergency, I did in fact not only complete my first ever 5k, but I did far better than I thought I would.  I anticipated that I’d walk (power walk that is) about 50% of the course.  In all my training I never was able to come even close to running 3 miles.  Of course, that training did take place here in Arizona where, believe it or not, we do actually have some elevation.  In case you haven’t heard we also have heat.  So that training I did in the heat and altitude apparently really helped because when it came time to run through the Animal Kingdom I was pleased as punch to find that the humidity wasn’t all that hard to overcome.

And my Torri?  Well let me just tell you that she is one HQP my friends.  She was all prepped to babysit that night but when Jayce suddenly developed the inability to breathe she stepped right up and agreed to be my running partner instead.  In her black low-top Converse shoes btw.  And her short shorts.  She ran right along side me in spite of not having trained at all.

See?  Total HQP.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you all know that I’m baaaaaaaaaaaaaaack.

And I promise to work hard at catching up with my overflowing email inbox and bloglines feeds.  Yes, I am totally dying to hear what you all have been up to over the last two weeks!  I hope you’ll forgive my absence and lack of commenting.  I’ll make up for it!  ;)

Oh, and if you’re the least bit interested, check back this weekend for pictures and highlights from our Summer Send-Off Bash at the Beach Club!

Toodles.