You remember that little lesson I gave you on how to manipulate your man into doing what you want him to do?
Oh no, no. Please don’t send payment. I insist. It was my pleasure.
Go ahead and grab a pen though because I need you to jot down a few very important things.
The ‘do it myself method?’ Seems it doesn’t work so well on teenagers. Apparently there’s some sort of miswiring in their brains that prevent them from comprehending guilt or any conscience feeling remotely associated with it.
Weird, I know. I don’t know all the specifics but it has something to do with self-absorption and vanity. That’s not important though. What is important is what I’m about to tell you.
There is a way to coerce the teen species to comply with the needs of the household at large.
The teen in my house, for instance, without fail frequently discards her dirty clothing on the floor of the bathroom. She steps over her wrinkled t-shirts and jeans to exit the bathroom after her shower. She steps back over them in the morning (time and time again actually) as she goes about applying her make-up and vowing to shave her head so as to avoid bad hair days. There her expensive name-brand jeans remain, piled in a heap at the base of the sink (or worse yet but I’ll leave that to your imagination).
How do you remedy this problem?
You hit her where it hurts, of course.
Over the course of this past week I’ve begun collecting said teen’s clothing from the floor. I’ve deposited them into a large bag in my closet. One day soon she will run out of clean underwear jeans. And when she does she will search high and low through the shelves in her closet and the drawers in her dresser. When she does not find them there she will, as a last resort, rummage through her hamper, willing to wear a pair from the depths of it if only to save herself from having to wear a clean, no-name brand. But alas, her search will be fruitless. The jeans, you and I know, will be safely tucked away in my sealed bag, withering in filthy stench with the rest of her haphazardly discarded clothes.
Eventually she’ll come to me, as she always does, and ask if I know what has happened to her clothes.
(Insert sly smile and evil laughter here). This is where we come to the coercion.
When she comes to me, I will hint that I might know a guy who knows a guy who could arrange for the safe return of her cherished Abercrombies. It’ll cost her of course.
I’m thinking along the lines of a quarter for her unmentionables. Fitty cents for the t-shirts. A buck for the sweatshirts. And the jeans? I’ve really got her by the cojones there. Even second-hand market demand says that I could probably go as high as ten, fifteen bucks a pair. But since I’m sorta partial to her I think I’ll cut her a break. Two bucks a pop sounds fair, yes?
That should solve the clothing problem rather quickly I think.
The makeup and assorted styling accessories that clutter the bathroom counter tops?
Hmmm. Perhaps a cell phone ransom is just what the doctor ordered.
I hope Martha is taking lessons. Because this? This, my friends, is how you manage a household.
{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
This is EXTREMELY valuable information! I’m a little behind on my blog reads. LOVED your shared knowledge. Craigslist DOES rock! And the convo with your husband. Classic! My husband will bloggy censor me. I’ll hear “Don’t blog about this!” Makes me laugh!
Hope your week is going well!
I’ll have to remember that one for when my daughter hits her teen years!
I think this is a great idea! Kids have to learn somehow. :)
Reading about the clothes everywhere reminds me of my sister’s approach to having clothes to wear. When she realized that she was out of clean jeans, she’d pick some out of the stinky pile in her room, spritz and a little perfume and fluff them in the dryer.
I’ve tried the above trick (the taking away, not the spritzing and fluffing) with my daughter’s Wii games that she leaves out. It does work.
That is one good system. Does she do her own laundry? Because that is clearly another key step in remedying the situation. I was in charge of my own laundry by the age of twelve and my parents did not care when I had nothing clean to wear.
I’ve taken the dreaded step of a laundry basket right outside the bathroom door, in the hall. The laundry room is right across from the kids bathroom and a lot less clothes end up on the floor this way. We just put it in the laundry room when we have company.
I’m so glad I have moms of teenagers to prepare me for the days ahead.
I truly enjoy your writing. And your plan is a good short term solution. One note to add however. Coercion comes at a cost – the loss of trust. A simple addition to your method might lead to a better outcome in the long run. It is based on consequences, of which there are two kinds. Natural and logical.
Natural consequences are what happen when nature runs its course, like if you leave your clothes outside for too long, they weather and then rot. Logical consequences are where you associate cause with effect, and this is one of the best ways of getting teens to do the right thing without coercion.
Essentially, you say “If X happens, the the consequence of Y will take place. If A happens, then the consequence of B will take place. You decide, X or A, and you can count on me to deliver B or Y.” That places the choice with the teen, instead of you imposing your will with no heads up.
So, using your example, “Here’s what is going to happen. If you leave your clothes laying on the floor, I will confiscate them, and they will no longer be available to you. Then, if you want them, you’ll have to buy them back from me, to pay me for the time of having to pick up after you. Alternately, you pick up after yourself, and keep your clothes and your money. It’s up to you.” I realize this lacks the sheer pleasure of doing it the way you described. But, as you probably want your teens to learn, just because something feels good doesn’t mean you should do it.
Best wishes
Rick
LOL! I’m so glad you are going before me and learning all you can so I can benefit from your experience. ;-)
I so needed a laugh today. Thank you.
Of course, since she reads your blog….I ‘m sure after this post you shouldn’t have ANY problems!
having had many a teenage girl in my home, I’m thinking this could be quite effective. :)
Oh, my friend, this is good stuff. I am so totally with you. The Ricker up there has absolutely no sense of humor or adventure. C’mon Rick!
It was the sly smile that cracked me up. That would so be me.
With seven kids, I don’t know why I haven’t used this trick. Haven’t really needed it until now. My 13yo son (our #4) has this same clothing on the floor blindness. Piles, I tell you! I may have to try this one.
I am bookmarking this under “parenting tweens”…not there yet but my daughter who’s 6 is showing signs of acting older than she is. Her loss is your gain…you’ll be on your way to that duo in no time.