Comments on: The Fine Art of Teenage Persuasion http://blog.suchthespot.com/2009/01/the-fine-art-of-teenage-persuasion/ reality simplified. happiness multiplied. Wed, 08 Feb 2012 15:45:50 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1.3 By: Jen@OurDailyBigTop http://blog.suchthespot.com/2009/01/the-fine-art-of-teenage-persuasion/comment-page-1/#comment-5184 Jen@OurDailyBigTop Fri, 30 Jan 2009 19:28:45 +0000 http://blog.suchthespot.com/?p=1120#comment-5184 I am bookmarking this under "parenting tweens"...not there yet but my daughter who's 6 is showing signs of acting older than she is. Her loss is your gain...you'll be on your way to that duo in no time. I am bookmarking this under “parenting tweens”…not there yet but my daughter who’s 6 is showing signs of acting older than she is. Her loss is your gain…you’ll be on your way to that duo in no time.

]]> By: Susanne http://blog.suchthespot.com/2009/01/the-fine-art-of-teenage-persuasion/comment-page-1/#comment-5178 Susanne Thu, 29 Jan 2009 22:41:00 +0000 http://blog.suchthespot.com/?p=1120#comment-5178 It was the sly smile that cracked me up. That would so be me. With seven kids, I don't know why I haven't used this trick. Haven't really needed it until now. My 13yo son (our #4) has this same clothing on the floor blindness. Piles, I tell you! I may have to try this one. It was the sly smile that cracked me up. That would so be me.

With seven kids, I don’t know why I haven’t used this trick. Haven’t really needed it until now. My 13yo son (our #4) has this same clothing on the floor blindness. Piles, I tell you! I may have to try this one.

]]> By: kristen@nosmallthing http://blog.suchthespot.com/2009/01/the-fine-art-of-teenage-persuasion/comment-page-1/#comment-5174 kristen@nosmallthing Thu, 29 Jan 2009 20:12:17 +0000 http://blog.suchthespot.com/?p=1120#comment-5174 Oh, my friend, this is good stuff. I am so totally with you. The Ricker up there has absolutely no sense of humor or adventure. C'mon Rick! Oh, my friend, this is good stuff. I am so totally with you. The Ricker up there has absolutely no sense of humor or adventure. C’mon Rick!

]]> By: misty http://blog.suchthespot.com/2009/01/the-fine-art-of-teenage-persuasion/comment-page-1/#comment-5170 misty Thu, 29 Jan 2009 19:04:14 +0000 http://blog.suchthespot.com/?p=1120#comment-5170 having had many a teenage girl in my home, I'm thinking this could be quite effective. :) having had many a teenage girl in my home, I’m thinking this could be quite effective. :)

]]> By: kellie@LaVidaDulce http://blog.suchthespot.com/2009/01/the-fine-art-of-teenage-persuasion/comment-page-1/#comment-5166 kellie@LaVidaDulce Thu, 29 Jan 2009 18:10:57 +0000 http://blog.suchthespot.com/?p=1120#comment-5166 I so needed a laugh today. Thank you. Of course, since she reads your blog....I 'm sure after this post you shouldn't have ANY problems! I so needed a laugh today. Thank you.

Of course, since she reads your blog….I ‘m sure after this post you shouldn’t have ANY problems!

]]> By: Musings of a Housewife http://blog.suchthespot.com/2009/01/the-fine-art-of-teenage-persuasion/comment-page-1/#comment-5165 Musings of a Housewife Thu, 29 Jan 2009 17:36:36 +0000 http://blog.suchthespot.com/?p=1120#comment-5165 LOL! I'm so glad you are going before me and learning all you can so I can benefit from your experience. ;-) LOL! I’m so glad you are going before me and learning all you can so I can benefit from your experience. ;-)

]]> By: Dr K http://blog.suchthespot.com/2009/01/the-fine-art-of-teenage-persuasion/comment-page-1/#comment-5164 Dr K Thu, 29 Jan 2009 17:09:40 +0000 http://blog.suchthespot.com/?p=1120#comment-5164 I truly enjoy your writing. And your plan is a good short term solution. One note to add however. Coercion comes at a cost - the loss of trust. A simple addition to your method might lead to a better outcome in the long run. It is based on consequences, of which there are two kinds. Natural and logical. Natural consequences are what happen when nature runs its course, like if you leave your clothes outside for too long, they weather and then rot. Logical consequences are where you associate cause with effect, and this is one of the best ways of getting teens to do the right thing without coercion. Essentially, you say "If X happens, the the consequence of Y will take place. If A happens, then the consequence of B will take place. You decide, X or A, and you can count on me to deliver B or Y." That places the choice with the teen, instead of you imposing your will with no heads up. So, using your example, "Here's what is going to happen. If you leave your clothes laying on the floor, I will confiscate them, and they will no longer be available to you. Then, if you want them, you'll have to buy them back from me, to pay me for the time of having to pick up after you. Alternately, you pick up after yourself, and keep your clothes and your money. It's up to you." I realize this lacks the sheer pleasure of doing it the way you described. But, as you probably want your teens to learn, just because something feels good doesn't mean you should do it. Best wishes Rick I truly enjoy your writing. And your plan is a good short term solution. One note to add however. Coercion comes at a cost – the loss of trust. A simple addition to your method might lead to a better outcome in the long run. It is based on consequences, of which there are two kinds. Natural and logical.

Natural consequences are what happen when nature runs its course, like if you leave your clothes outside for too long, they weather and then rot. Logical consequences are where you associate cause with effect, and this is one of the best ways of getting teens to do the right thing without coercion.

Essentially, you say “If X happens, the the consequence of Y will take place. If A happens, then the consequence of B will take place. You decide, X or A, and you can count on me to deliver B or Y.” That places the choice with the teen, instead of you imposing your will with no heads up.

So, using your example, “Here’s what is going to happen. If you leave your clothes laying on the floor, I will confiscate them, and they will no longer be available to you. Then, if you want them, you’ll have to buy them back from me, to pay me for the time of having to pick up after you. Alternately, you pick up after yourself, and keep your clothes and your money. It’s up to you.” I realize this lacks the sheer pleasure of doing it the way you described. But, as you probably want your teens to learn, just because something feels good doesn’t mean you should do it.

Best wishes
Rick

]]> By: nicole http://blog.suchthespot.com/2009/01/the-fine-art-of-teenage-persuasion/comment-page-1/#comment-5163 nicole Thu, 29 Jan 2009 16:28:08 +0000 http://blog.suchthespot.com/?p=1120#comment-5163 That is one good system. Does she do her own laundry? Because that is clearly another key step in remedying the situation. I was in charge of my own laundry by the age of twelve and my parents did not care when I had nothing clean to wear. I've taken the dreaded step of a laundry basket right outside the bathroom door, in the hall. The laundry room is right across from the kids bathroom and a lot less clothes end up on the floor this way. We just put it in the laundry room when we have company. I'm so glad I have moms of teenagers to prepare me for the days ahead. That is one good system. Does she do her own laundry? Because that is clearly another key step in remedying the situation. I was in charge of my own laundry by the age of twelve and my parents did not care when I had nothing clean to wear.

I’ve taken the dreaded step of a laundry basket right outside the bathroom door, in the hall. The laundry room is right across from the kids bathroom and a lot less clothes end up on the floor this way. We just put it in the laundry room when we have company.

I’m so glad I have moms of teenagers to prepare me for the days ahead.

]]> By: Jennifer, Snapshot http://blog.suchthespot.com/2009/01/the-fine-art-of-teenage-persuasion/comment-page-1/#comment-5161 Jennifer, Snapshot Thu, 29 Jan 2009 13:55:40 +0000 http://blog.suchthespot.com/?p=1120#comment-5161 Reading about the clothes everywhere reminds me of my sister's approach to having clothes to wear. When she realized that she was out of clean jeans, she'd pick some out of the stinky pile in her room, spritz and a little perfume and fluff them in the dryer. I've tried the above trick (the taking away, not the spritzing and fluffing) with my daughter's Wii games that she leaves out. It does work. Reading about the clothes everywhere reminds me of my sister’s approach to having clothes to wear. When she realized that she was out of clean jeans, she’d pick some out of the stinky pile in her room, spritz and a little perfume and fluff them in the dryer.

I’ve tried the above trick (the taking away, not the spritzing and fluffing) with my daughter’s Wii games that she leaves out. It does work.

]]> By: Jessie http://blog.suchthespot.com/2009/01/the-fine-art-of-teenage-persuasion/comment-page-1/#comment-5160 Jessie Thu, 29 Jan 2009 12:39:37 +0000 http://blog.suchthespot.com/?p=1120#comment-5160 I think this is a great idea! Kids have to learn somehow. :) I think this is a great idea! Kids have to learn somehow. :)

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