At the last minute Jeff and I decided to add a movie (as in at the theater) to our Valentines date night dinner. Normally we’re not so much movie theater peeps because we prefer the ability to pause the movie at a whim for a quick discussion, a bathroom break, or a snack run. But since there happened to be a dollar theater (which is somewhat misleading because it’s really a two dollar theater) really close to the restaurant, and we were left with nothing better to do, we caved. We saw Marley and Me. Perhaps not the best choice seeing as how Jeff had just hit a dog on Friday.
You live, you learn.
Because we’re not typically theater people we’ve been oblivious to the unpleasant changes that have taken place in the movie going experience. Namely, the fellow movie goers.
Ladies and gentlemen I present into evidence the following for your consideration.
Exhibit A : A woman and her daughter entered the theater after we’d been seated. Daughter didn’t want to sit where mom sat so she chose a seat about three rows up from Mom. The distance between them didn’t keep them from engaging in a thorough discussion before the movie started though. Part of it, about the movie (which they apparently had previously seen).
Mom to Daughter: Can you see from where you are?
Daughter to Mom: Yes, I’m fine.
Mom to Daughter: Do you need more popcorn?
Daughter to Mom: Not yet.
Mom to Daughter: What’s your favorite part of this movie?
Daughter to Mom: I’m not sure. But it’s certainly not when the dog dies.
Yes, that discussion did ensue in the midst of a theater full of patrons who, I’m guessing, could have done without the spoilage of the film’s ending.
I suppose suspense is overrated anyhow.
Exhibit B: Enter a plus, plus-sized woman and her stick of a husband. They chose an empty row and made their way about 1/2 way in before selecting a seat. Once she had confiscated the popcorn and he’d properly scavenged for her scraps she made a production of taking off her coat and putting it into the empty seat next to her. Then she tossed her purse into the empty seat next to the seat now occupied by her coat. Whenever the door would open and more patrons would enter the theater she would loudly proclaim that the only thing she didn’t like about the theater was the fact that a stranger might sit next to her. She didn’t want anybody sitting next to her. She needed her space. She preferred the whole row to herself really.
Clearly.
Once the lights went down our fellow movie goers settled in and their behavior improved greatly. With the exception of the whiny toddler behind me who insisted on pulling my hair at random intervals, the remainder of our time spent in the theater was uneventful.
Of course, the display we were witness to in the elevator on the way to the parking garage served as the cherry to top the evening off.
Stick hubby and his wife shared our elevator. Luckily we only had a four floor decent because when that woman reached up and pulled that man’s face into hers and began kissing him right there in our midst I thought I was going to die right there. It took every ounce of restraint I had to contain myself until that oh so welcome ding signified our arrival on the lower level of the garage.
I’m wondering though. Where do these people come from? Seriously. There must be some mutant gene out there running rampant among the dollar theater patrons.
Or maybe it’s something they picked up from the seats in the theater. Have you heard what researchers have found on those things? If you haven’t heard, I’ll spare you the gory details.
Suffice it to say though that lest you want dollar theater-esque spawn to befall your happy home perhaps the safest and cleanliest place to enjoy a movie is from the comfort of your own couch.
And as an added bonus the whole row will be yours for the keeping. Promise.
{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
I haven’t been to the theater since the polar express was out. :) Or maybe it was Curious George…whichever one was out last. Back then I was just concerned that Henry would sit still enough for the movie. He loved it.
The elevator scene, that just takes the cake. Ha ha ha! I can totally picture it.
I am with you on the the theater thing. I’d much rather watch a movie from the comfort of my own home. Although, people watching is a sport for me and those seem like some interesting people. Weird and annoying, but interesting.
Ew, ew, ew. For all of those reasons, I rarely go to the movies anymore because I end up seething halfway through the film. The biggest offense I’ve noticed lately is people who text through the whole f-ing movie, then loudly share the texts with their friends. It is beyond obnoxious.
That adventure is just one more reason we love Redbox movie rentals. If you haven’t tried this yet, you should. An immediate fairly new movie rental is hard to beat for just $1.07!
Where do these people come from you ask?
They come from Walmart.
All the weird people live in Walmart…and every once in awhile they get out.
You’re funny and Kellie’s comment is hilarious. Gag at the elevator scene. Some people just don’t have that filter and geez whatever happened to privacy?
Freakishly weird coincidence that I currently have 3 blog posts in queue that beigin with ‘in which i…” we have a psychic connection i think. or is that psychotic?
I might have gagged in the elevator. Oh my. We are so not lovey dovey people.
OMG I was going to say only would that happen to the two of you, but it sounds like some of your BF have had experiences as well. Movie choice, yea, not so good, but I have never had such an interesting experience and you know I love going to them movies…
I totally agree w/ you. We haven’t gone to the movies in YEARS. Besides, why go to the theatre when netflix sends it right to your cozy home? I certainly don’t need commentary on the movies from strangers and the smell of hotdogs w/ radish really throws me off. :)
That is just the list of reasons why we don’t go to the theater anymore.
That…and the teenagers. I see them everyday; I can do without on my time off!
I guess I’m a weirdo, because I love going to the movies. Well, we rarely go to a movie these days, but when we do I am all about the whole experience. I do get annoyed at cell phone users, and kids watching movies intended for adults, but I can block all that out. I love the previews and sneaking in my own candy and how everything is way too loud and just the whole experience.
The elevator situation would have made me very uncomfortable though.
Hilarious! I recently took our 4 yr old to see Madagascar 2 at the “dollar” theater, which is actually $2.50. I swear that I could feel the lice climbing off the yucky seat and burrowing into my hair. We also witnessed lovely parenting techniques, such as the “let your 2 year old wander off” move and the “mom yells at husband for not helping with wandering child” move.
I’m with you – next time I’ll rent. But it made for interesting people watching, no? ;) And an entertaining blog!
We are big fans of Netflix for all those reasons you described! It is also the reason I really dislike Wal-Mart. No matter what Wal-Mart I go to, I always see the same icky, yucky things. Last time, I added to my list a freshly disposed of banana peel in the candy at the chec out. So, someone basically stole and ate a banana and then couldn’t even throw the peel away leaving the candy below it probably quite sticky and gross.
Literally laughed out loud! Absolutely too funny! At least you found the humor in it, and were able to share the experience.
And as far as the elevator situation, she must have felt threatened you were going to take her man. First grocery stores, and now elevators…
Thanks for ruining the movie for me…….. just kidding, I told you I saw it.