My Fascination With a Porn Star

Would you think less of me if I told you I follow the blog of a porn star?  Former porn star actually.  Once a porn star always a porn star in my book though.

Does the name Asia Carerra ring a bell?  If it does you should totally be blushing right now.

It didn’t ring a bell for me the first time I heard it.  The first time I heard it I was newly pregnant with Jayce and had discovered an online group of other women who were also expecting in August of 2006.  I spent some time reading through their profiles and posts, though I never really got involved beyond that.  I honestly can’t convey to you how utterly shocked I was when I happened upon Asia’s profile, in which she linked to her personal webpage.  Her personal web page, as you might have guessed, was rather revealing.

I read all about her, ahem, career as a porn star and how she’d met the man of her dreams and had subsequently decided to ‘retire’ from the ‘limelight’ (if I may be so bold).  There were pictures of her beautiful infant daughter right there alongside the photos of her wearing what I suppose would be considered her professional wardrobe.  She was expecting her second child (in real life, not in the photos) and was over the moon happy about it.

For months I followed the conversations of these online moms, especially those in which Asia was involved.  I remained thoroughly intrigued by her.  I’m a simple girl I suppose and I just couldn’t wrap my head around the porn star gone mom thing.  I wondered how she was going to explain herself to her children when the day eventually would come, and surely it would, when they would discover their mother’s sorted past.

Late one night in June, about two months before our August babies were due, I logged on to the mommy message board and saw a strange post from Asia.  In it she bluntly announced that her husband was dead, that he’d been killed in a car accident on the way home from a business trip in Las Vegas.

There was some debate amongst that online community as to whether or not Asia’s husband was really dead.  Some of them believed that she staged the whole thing as a ploy to con money out of people.  I don’t remember for certain but I want to say that within that very first post she gave out her paypal account information and asked for donations.  You can see why that struck people as somewhat odd.  If something horrible like that happened to me I would imagine the money would be the the furthest thing from my mind.  Perhaps that’s because I’m well cared for in that regard, should the worst happen.  I really can’t say what I would have done had I been in her stiletto heels.

Asia had her baby.  She debated giving him up for adoption, but decided against it in the end.  She had that baby on the floor of her living room without the assistance of a midwife, labor coach, or even a neighbor.  On her blog she detailed the whole thing, complete with pictures.  She initially named her son after his deceased father but eventually had it legally changed to the original name she and her husband had chosen.  I’ve read along as she has sobbed for the loss of her husband and slowly but surely emerged a stronger more capable mother for all that she has endured.  When she discovered a long lost life insurance policy I let out a sigh of relief for her two kids.  When she set out on a weight loss journey I followed every step of the way.  I’ve seen countless photos of her smiling kids and more than my fair share of other, not so family friendly photos as well.

It’s an odd thing, my fascination with Asia Carerra.  But I’m definitely hooked on her story.  And not in the same way I’m ‘hooked’ on the mundane happenings in the lives of the ‘real’ bloggers I follow.  I hope my use of the word mundane doesn’t offend you ‘real’ bloggers.  You know what I mean right?  The real bloggers could totally be my girlfriends in real life.  If we all lived in the same city we’d get together for mornings in the park and mommy-only happy hours.  We’d go away for a night at a spa and we’d help out with each others’ kids in a pinch.

Asia though?  Not so much.

I enjoy peering at her life through a looking glass.  The watching from a distance pulls me in much like Days of Our Lives did for the longest time, whereas the real thing might be a tad too raw for me.

I suppose that makes me a voyeur, in the prying observer sense of course, not the sexual deviant sense.  But, like me, she does write a blog and makes it available to the public at large.  That totally justifies my stalking, don’t you think?

On her blog, Asia has already announced that at some point in the not-so-distant future she’s going to dismantle her blog and regain annonymity for the sake of her children.  When she does it’ll be like the season finale of Seinfeld, or Cheers, or maybe something a tad less wholesome like CBS’s Big Brother.  My point is that her departure will leave a bit of a void in my life.

I wonder if Jenna Jameson (and yes, I totally had to ask my hubby for another porn star reference) has a blog.  Maybe I should start following now.

I’m totally kidding Gram.  About the replacement porn star blogger.  When the time comes for Asia’s departure, I’m sure the (thankfully) mundane lives of  my real blog friends will keep me plenty occupied.