A couple of weeks ago I called the small business owner who cleaned our windows last spring to schedule an appt. The man with whom I spoke didn’t sound familiar and so I asked if he had recently bought the business. He proceeded to tell me that the former owner had “passed away.” I was shocked by that news because the former owner had been only a year older than I (that would make him 32 today if you’re curious). He was young and vibrant and seemingly very healthy. What’s more is that he was a very, very cheerful kind of guy. While he had cleaned my windows last year he’d been nothing short of delightful, engaging, and so very positive. You can imagine, then, how puzzling it was to find out that he’d committed suicide.
I didn’t know him really. We spent just the one afternoon in conversation as he scrubbed away at our grimy windows. But I’m saddened at the loss of him. Mostly because–judging from my own experience with him and that of the people who signed an online obituary guestbook–he hid his pain so well. My short encounter with him left me with the impression that he was an adventurous spirit. The kind of guy who would skydive on his 80th birthday. An optimist. An encouraging friend. A lemons into lemonade kind of guy.
Clearly I missed something.
The whole thing makes me want to pay more attention though. Offer more smiles. Extend more patience. Spread more joy.
Not that a simple gesture from a stranger would have changed anything in this case.
But then again, you never can tell. You never know how a warm smile or an understanding glance or a moment of conversation might change someone’s outlook.
Someone whose outlook you didn’t even realize needed changing.
{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh my heart breaks for his family. How lovely that he left you with such a touching memory of him — few people can do that in a simple afternoon. He must have been special to a lot of people. I think you’re right about that extra hug or smile — it can make a difference.
(((Darcy)))
Wow. This gave me chills. What a great post, Darcie.
Steph
He cleaned my windows, as well. He made himself at home in my house, played with my kids, and was one of the happiest guys I had met. I found out about this a few months ago through a friend-of-a-friend, and I had the same reaction that you did. I was shocked, and felt so sad that someone could be in so much pain. We figured out that he took his life about 2 weeks after he was at our house – he had plans to go on a big camping trip to the Grand Canyon that he talked about the whole time he was here. Your post shows that he had touched SO many people in just this small corner of the world.
Wow -thanks for posting this – what a great reminder, and to the grocery store clerk who may not get a lot of smiles, a kind word can make a big difference, I’m sure. My hubby always has whole conversations with our Wal-Mart checkers, and it cracks me up, but it’s a good thing. :)
You can’t tell by the way a person appears when you had contact with them.
I’ve known, and worked with, several persons that later commited suicide (not from contact with me I trust). Most seemed to be upbeat people and only two I remember had a depressed outlook on life. Alcholism played a part in a couple also. Now that I think of it it sounds like I’ve had more than my share of friends/acquaintances who took their lives. Maybe it was because of contact with me. Now I’m depressed.
Like Red Skelton said as the “mean little kid”-”I scared myself”.
Wow…unbelievable how well he hid it.
My cousin’s wife committed suicide two weeks ago, and although I never met her and saw her only on Facebook, I felt the same way… What could I have done differently? How did we all miss that she was hurting so badly?
You never know if your smile or nice gesture might be the one to change their mind. Just reaching out a little bit.
Oh that’s so sad . . . thanks for giving us the reminder though about how fleeting and important the small things in life are!
Wow Darcie. That’s just horrible. He’s a person with a story. A mom, dad and family. I’m sorry to hear that. And your perspective and reflections are right on.
It’s so hard to think that someone could be in that much pain and we don’t know it. And wonder if we could have done something. It is very hard to be left behind, wondering.
It is such a tragedy. Thanks for posting this. What a great reminder to treat people kindly, always. You never know what their demons are…
I knew someone like that…and then found out they were severly depressed…it’s like they put on a front and when they are alone…they can’t handle that?
I don’t know!
Thanks for the reminder to treat everyone with warmth, respect, compassion…goodness. I want to be genuinely interested in people, to see beyond the exterior and into the heart. It’s easy to get caught up in the “day-to-day” and forget to do that…so THANK YOU for reminding me to look beyond me and my little corner of the world.