Yeah, so teacher appreciation week.
I have a great deal of respect for teachers. Especially Cassidy’s teacher because Lord only knows how she manages Cassidy andtwenty other kids. Heck. Cassidy alone is the equivalent of twenty kids.
So, like I said, I’m all about the teacher appreciation.
But then this afternoon I got an email asking that I bring in a homemade or store-bought food item for the staff appreciation potluck.
Um, hello? Staff appreciation? Really?
Because here’s the thing. The staff? I’m sort of picky and choosey with which of them I appreciate.
The inclusion specialist? I think she would be considered staff and I have the utmost of respect for her.
The crossing guard who gives me a friendly wave and tip of the hat every morning? He’s A-Okay.
The librarian? I’m totally diggin’ her.
The school nurse though? I have to take issue here.
This chick drives me batty. Like, as in, Robin could totally be my trusty sidekick batty.
And it’s weird because I really like her on a personal level. We’ve chatted a bunch of times and I’ve always found her to be pretty cool.
I just don’t like that she calls me every time Cassidy has so much as a hangnail, kwim?
A couple of weeks ago she called because Cassidy’s eyes were red. She called at freakin’ 7:54 in the morning. I had just dropped Cassidy off at 7:15 mind you. The conversation went something like this:
*Names have been eliminated to protect the obnoxious.
Nurse: Hi Darcie, this is *that nurse from the school office and I have Cassidy here with me.
Me: (thankful that the roll of one’s eyes is a silent gesture) Hi *school nurse.
Nurse: Cassidy’s eyes are really red today. And very goopy.
Me: What? I just saw her, like 20 minutes ago and she was fine.
Nurse: Well, she’s goopy now.
Me:Hmm. I’m telling you that she was fine all weekend long and when I washed her face and put sunscreen on this morning I didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary.
Nurse: Well, she’s rubbing them like crazy. Oh, and did I mention the goopy?
“Goopy” is clearly a code word in this case for pink eye. The nurse thinks Cass has pink eye. Thus the repeated dropping of the G word.
Long story short: We determined her eyes were red from having rubbed sunscreen into them. The goop was disputed and could not be verified by a third party. Case dismissed.
And then last week Nurse Hypochondriac phoned again.
Nurse: Hi Darcie, this is *that nurse from the school office and I have Cassidy here with me.
Me: (beginning to wish that the rolling of one’s eyes maybe wasn’t so silent) Hi *school nurse.
Nurse: Cassidy’s para says that Cassidy is complaining of a tummy ache. And she had diarrhea.
Me: Oh. Well she was fine thirty minutes ago when I dropped her off. How about if you keep her in the office for twenty or so minutes and see if she gets to feeling better.
Nurse: Well, she has diarrhea.
Me: You mean, loose stool?
Nurse: Yes, diarrhea.
Me: Well, how many times has she gone?
Nurse: (asking the para)….just one.
Me: So not diarrhea.
Nurse: Yes, it was diarrhea.
Me: No, it was just a loose stool. Diarrhea is something that is ongoing. Like, as in over and over. Cass just has loose stools. It’s normal for her.
Nurse: Well, as per district policy you’ll have to pick her up and she’ll have to be symptom free for 48 hours before returning to school.
Me: Oh. See now, that’s a problem because the symptom to which you keep referring is loose stools. And if loose stools are in violation of district policy, poor Cass will be a lifetime offender. She’ll never be allowed back. Like I said, it’s normal for her.
UGH. I ended up having to talk to the inclusion specialist who promptly made the whole thing go away. But seriously, how annoying can this chick be?
So, as much as I’d love to shower appreciation on the staff, somehow, I’m just not feeling the love.
Unless…
Unless maybe I bake a batch of special Ex-Lax brownies. Teach her a thing or two about diarrhea.
Oh I kid. But it’d be funny though.
{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }
lol that would teach her!
I think it might be a requirement for school nurses to be like that. Oh yeah, I get a lot of those phone calls, too. But when you go to the grocery store and buy brownie mix and Ex-Lax, they start to look at you suspiciously. Not that I would know. Really.
Your post had me cracking up this morning. Why is she a school nurse if she has soooo many questions. Geez.
I would make a special batch with her name on it. So funny!
Oh how times have changed! When I was in school we would have to be on our deathbed before we’d be allowed to call our parents and go home. Now you just need a papercut apparently. Ridiculous.
Ex-lax brownies. funny stuff. =)
School nurses are for real nutty. I’m not sure why that is. We got a new nurse halfway through the year because the old nurse became convinced that the assistant principal was out to get her. She left shortly after she cussed out said assistant principal. NUTS, I tell you.
Anyway, forget appreciating those people. Just mail me some brownies.;)
Our school nurse is clueless with a capital C!
And, I didn’t know it was staff appreciation week, too!
I vote to give her brownie a little extra something to talk about!
That is awesome! I was under the impression that the nurses were there to try to keep them IN school as much as possible. I really admire how you stand up to her!
Our school nurse is AWFUL. But the rest of us work pretty durn hard. I think you should send cards to all the teachers you appreciate and just don’t send one to the nurse. But definitely make some yummy brownies. We only get twenty five minutes to eat but brownies make the day a lot sweeter!
Again, even though I have heard most of the story, I am LOL…Thank you, definately give her, her “own special batch”
haha hypochondriacs are seriously so annoying. and I know because my husband is one.
:-) The ex-lax cracked me up!
Totally weird. Our school nurse is the complete opposite, so if she calls you knows there is a legit issue.
Again though, like yesterday, I’m gonna have to say that I think it’s tacky to send home a note like that. Who sent it? PTA? Teachers? Room Parent?
DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ITTTTTTTTT!
Tell them Cass made them.
You’ll never hear from Nurse Hypochondriac AGAIN!
Another vote for the “special” brownies. LOL!!
Girl you crack me up! :)
You make me laugh. out. loud.
ha ha ha! That would be hilarious.
The school nurse calls me to tell me that kate came to the office with a tummy ache but she seems fine now.
Then why why why are you calling me?????
This is stinkin’ hilarious!!! =) I enjoyed it.