Dear Target Store Manager:
Hello Mr. Manager sir. It’s me. The mom of four who visited your store today. I know you’re probably busy ironing your khaki pants and red shirts so I won’t keep you long. I just wanted to send along a helpful hint that may save you a few dollars in the way of lawsuit settlements down the line.
Let me begin by asking, sir, if you’ve ever had the pleasure of opening a store on Black Friday. Given your expansive resume bullets, I assume you have. Surely, then, you must be familiar with the mobs of frenzied shoppers that, quite literally, shove their way through the store in an effort to hoard the flat-screen TV’s and newest video game consoles. You know as well as I that Black Friday deals can be found throughout the store, scattered among the toy, electronics, and home departments. Imagine, for a moment, the scenario should those crowds of Black Friday shoppers find themselves all gunning for the same thing: school supplies.
Better yet. Don’t imagine it – visit it. Right there in the back corner of your store where sporting goods and domestics cross paths. But be forewarned: it’s a jungle back there.
You’ve heard that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned? Well. Nor does hell haveth fury like a mother on a mission for those elusive dividers. Or dry erase markers (blue – why have you no blue?!). Or reinforcement labels that little Johnnie may or may not need in the fourth quarter but will be docked points for if he doesn’t show up with them on MONDAY!
Look at that. I’m getting off topic.
My reason for writing is this: I’d like to suggest that you offer complimentary body armor suits to mothers and children intending to shop for school supplies in your store. While I understand that you cannot reasonably prevent every black eye or busted toe, at least the major casualties could seriously be reduced if you provided proper equipment for those brave enough to “go in.”
Another option would be to hire armed guards. Perhaps even designating your Back to School headquarters as a mom-free zone would work. After all, dads are perfectly capable of handling up on the pencil purchases. And yes. I realize that a nation of dads doing the school supply shopping would seriously cut into your profit margin. Because no dad I know is actually going to buy into that teacher’s request for hand sanitizer and Kleenex, citing something about “when I was a kid…” But really. In spite of the profit loss – it’s the right thing to do. For the sanity and safety of all your loyal customers.
I urge you to consider my input. Before your store is the site of the next postal-like rampage.
Sincerely,
A Concerned (black-eyed) Mom.
{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }
Black eye? Are you serious? In Target? Wow.
Too funny! Not for you…but ya know from where I’m sitting….behind my computer. Have you considered buying supplies from the internet. I don’t even know if that’s possible. My kids are still to little for that.
You got a black eye? Wow. The school shopping frenzy must have taken over.
No I didn’t *really* get a black eye. See that smear up there? It’s because my “voice” is dripping with sarcasm. And no. There’s not *really* a smear either. :)
I have a love hate relationship with Target and back to school shopping. I think we might do Staples this year. Target never seems to have enough.
I always remember loving to school supply shop…however, my mom might have thought otherwise. Luckily, with my kids in private school, their supplies are covered by our very pricey dues!
Or maybe if they let the dads do it they’d make MORE money. I know my husband would be willing to let the kids buy those ridiculous $6 notebooks and 1,000 count crayon boxes which are, obviously, way cooler than the plain old but just as good cheap ones just so that he could avoid a fight and get the heck out of dodge asap.
Don’t even get me started on what the bill is when I send him to the grocery store!
I hear ya sister! I HATE school supply shopping! Luckily we have a 24 hour Wal-Mart, so I can shop in peace around midnight. Totally worth it.
I thought you were too nice in your letter!
I’m so glad I don’t have to do that, all we do is give the teacher a supplies fee and they buy everything in bulk!
Wow I know I asked for a new post but I dont know what to say about this one..I guess better luck next time..or just give me a call put me on a plane and I ll take the kids shopping I have no problem pushing my way through and offending people..lol
So did you send it?
I love back to school shopping, but what I don’t like it trying to hunt down that elusive box of 16 count crayons that are usually way overpriced, when the little boxes of 24 count crayons are everywhere, mocking me with their little 25-cent markdowns.
That and having to trek (ok, its actually closer to me than my Target, but still) over to a local education supply store to find the larger 12×18 packs of construction paper, that apparently no one else carries.
That is precisely why I pay more money for the pre-packaged school supplies from the PTA. Sure it costs more money, but I don’t have to worry about having the right stuff. I realize this dream setup will not always exist, but as long as it does, I will happily hand over my money.
I do need to buy 3 new lunchboxes though. And my research indicates I’ll be spending a cool 30 bucks on those (total). And I want to go green and get reusable sandwich containers too.
And water bottles. And it never ends, does it?
I love the back to school shopping. But I do it when no one else is there. It reminds me of what it was like when cabbage patch kids were all the rage. Mothers would knock each other over –on purpose — to get those dumb things.
This year, I actually ordered most of the kids’ school supplies through the school (and there was NO fee for doing it!), so I don’t even have to make the venture out.
I like the idea of school supplies throughout the store. Or how about this? Maybe they could order EXTRA school supplies during the summer, making sure that they are stocked come school shopping time? I like that idea.
I say we all make the husbands do it next year…
haha this cracks me up. I miss back to school shopping in that I dont get any shiny new stuff . . . but I am not looking forward to doing it for Jayci! :-)
Oh, is it really that bad? Remind me not to venture into Target until after the back-to-school craze ends.
Sounds like I made the right choice by hitting up CVS and Staples for all my goodies.
Besides, CVS has so much Free after ECB stuff, and by using those Ink Cartridge rewards at Staples I have yet to shell out any actual money there!
If my DH shopped for BTS supplies he would have driven to the closest grocery or convenience store and spent about $50 per child! Yikes.
I haven’t gotten this done and now I’m scared. Darnit. I guess I’d better drag the kids out soon before it’s all gone. I’ll be sure to wear some catchers gear to protect me. Thanks for the tip!