“We’re not those parents…”
So said a friend as she stood outside her house one mid-summer Thursday afternoon. I wasn’t there to hear her say it though. I was in the ambulance that had just whirred away from her neighborhood, speeding out of the desert with lights flashing and sirens blaring.
My son–my precious baby boy–was in that ambulance too. He was breathing by that time. But he wasn’t quite right. He was barely responsive. Far from the vivacious little monster he had been only an hour before.
One hour.
An hour before we’d been playing and splashing in the pool. My friend and I sat at the edge of her pool, our legs dangling in the water. Four of the six kids in the pool were proficient swimmers. And then there were Cassidy and Jayce–neither of whom can swim without some sort of assistance.
My attention–though divided many ways–was aimed mostly at them.
Cassidy wore her arm floaties, and turned circles in the water as though Michael Phelps himself was no better than she. Jayce stayed close at my side, shooting the other kids with streams from a water gun he’d adopted for the afternoon. He waded from one end of the shallow lagoon to the other, back and forth, taking aim, over and over.
As we splashed in the water that day not a single sip of alcohol was ingested. Not one split-second passed when either my friend or myself were not physically in the pool with our collective children. Because we aren’t those parents.
But in the end, my physicality alone wasn’t enough.
I scanned the bobbing heads once more–as I’d been doing all afternoon–accounting for my four. But this time I came up one short.
Until I saw a dark mass submerged to my left. Not across the pool, but right next to me. Three feet from where I sat.
Words can’t possibly convey the image of him there. An image that I would pay countless dollars to have permanently deleted from memory. An image that is burned into my mind’s eye. An image that haunts me at night, and threatens to pounce even in the light of day, the instant I let my guard down.
While that image is truly horrific, worse still are the torturous thoughts of what he must have gone through in the seconds that led up to it.
Whether it’s a blessing or a curse that I don’t have those images available I’ll never know.
I suppose that when you get right down to it my memory is well supplied with a brutal arsenal with which to assault: the feel of his limp body against mine as I pulled him from the water, the sight of his blue lips as I placed him on the grass, the agonizing hours–or minutes or seconds, it’s hard to be sure–it took for him to finally respond to my demands that he breathe.
And then there was the blur of activity around me. The fearful, wide-eyed children hovering nearby. The sight of my friend, trying to answer questions for the 911 dispatcher on the phone. A random neighbor, having come to help. The shrill sound of my middle daughter, screaming her brother’s name with more desperation in her voice than I’ve ever heard from anyone else in all my years.
It was through the grace of God that Jayce finally responded. It couldn’t have had anything to do with my worthless attempts–my misguided efforts to save him.
The sound of his exhausted moans were the sweetest music I’d ever heard. And when–seconds later–he opened his eyes my heart pounded against my chest. By the time he threw up, the crowd of miniature onlookers had been herded into the house. Otherwise how crazy they would have thought I was for heralding it the way I did.
The next thirty minutes were joyous and overwhelming and terrifying and confusing at once. There must have been ten paramedics. Four emergency vehicles. More beeping machines and heavy medical equipment than I ever care to see again.
I held him in my arms, cursing my own stupidity and praising his courage without taking a breath in between. The decision to transport him to the hospital was not mine to make, though I wouldn’t have hesitated for a moment had it been.
My friend assured me that everything was going to be fine. She thought when I couldn’t: repeating Jayce’s birthday and the spelling of his name every time they asked, calling Jeff at work to tell him what had happened, fishing the keys from my purse so she could drive the girls home and stay with them, fumbling through my wallet for my driver’s license when the officer needed it. She freed me to focus on the only thing I could have anyway: the boy I’d come so close to losing.
It wasn’t until we sped away in the ambulance, as Jayce lie there with an oxygen mask over his sweet little face, that I was struck with panic. Would he have brain damage? Might he regress at any moment? Was he out of the woods? My prayers went up steadfastly; my tears came in earnest. In the thirty minutes it took to get to the hospital, my amazing little man made a full recovery.
Blessed indeed.
It may have been about that time that my friend stood amongst her neighbors, puzzling at how it could have happened. We aren’t–after all–those parents.
But in my life I’ve learned that while most bad things happen to someone else…every once in awhile they happen to a neighbor. To someone I knew in high school. To a guy Jeff works with. Or maybe to you. Even to me.
Not because I don’t love my children with everything in me. Not because I stole a candy bar when I was six. Not because I honked at the slow car ahead of me not realizing it was an elderly woman at the wheel.
No.
Sometimes bad things just happen. To good people. To good parents even.
I certainly don’t do everything right. Every once in awhile I may look the other way when the TV has been on too long. Or I forget the multi-vitamin. I send my kids to school without every last one of the supplies on the back-to-school list. I allow soda when we go to restaurants. Once or twice I may even have said “hit her back” when one of my girls tattles on another.
And I looked away for a moment too long in the pool.
But (and believe me when I tell you that I am filled with doubt as I force these words through my fingertips onto this keyboard, and eventually the screen), I am a good parent. I am.
I know that the very presence of my son is a gift that surpasses understanding. Hearing his tiny words, the touch of his padded fingertips, the rise and fall of his itty bitty chest, his wet kisses–all are blessings for which I couldn’t possibly be more thankful.
So while every instinct within me demands that I punish myself, that I wallow in guilt for having abandoned him when he needed me most–I’m choosing another way.
This gift that God gave me last Thursday afternoon–this second chance–is not something I want to thumb my nose at. It’s true that allowing myself to smile at this point goes against my human sense of justice. What gives me the right to feel anything but gut-wrenching guilt after my failures permitted something so heinously unconscionable to occur.
What gives me the right?
There is but one thing that gives me that right: the grace and mercy of the Lord. It is because of Him–and through only Him.
Because of Him, I will do my best not to let this experience overtake me. Nor will I allow Jayce’s experience to be in vain.
So many of you have asked how you can help. Most of us are separated by vast miles but there truly is something you can do for me in spite of the distance.
You can help me to become whole again.
How? Easy. Do something. Anything. Take a CPR class (as I fully intend to do). Buy a life jacket and donate it to the neighborhood pool. Promise that no matter how late you’re running you’ll turn around and grab that second set of water wings. But most of all, watch. Watch vigilantly. Because being there isn’t enough. Pledge to stop momentarily on your way to the water and consider our story, so that you, too, can grasp that what they say is true: it can happen to you. It only takes a second.
And a second was all it took.
Please just do something.
So that I can believe that our story has helped to keep another child safe this summer.
That’s what you can do for me. Thank you.
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Oh, Darcie. My heart is pounding just reading this. I am thanking the Lord that he was saved.
And…YES. Yes, you are a good mom.
Darcie,
I have tears reading your story. I am so thankful that your son is alright. You ARE a WONDERFUL Mom, writing these words is another sign of it.
We have just signed Boo up for swim lessons, and this makes me even more glad of it.
Oh wow, Darcie…
You hit it right on the head. It’s only through the grace of God and His love that you will become whole again and that your son was saved.
I truly believe that ALL things happen for a reason, and if your story will change the heart and mind of even one person out there and save another child, then there’s the reason.
And don’t EVER forget that you are a wonderful mama. You are raising your children with values, integrity, and God-fearing beliefs, which is a step ahead of many. You love them fiercely and continually provide. God didn’t give you those gifts for nothing…he knows you are the best mother for them.
Keep your chin up! :)
Thanks for sharing your story. It really touched me.
Darcie-
Words escape me right now. I am so very glad your little boy is healthy and safe.
God is good.
Darcie,
I have been praying for you all week. I just knew that you were struggling with all this. Mostly because I understand a little of what you went through. When The Girl was three years old she nearly drowned in a pool when I was within a foot and a half of her (I had turned my back very briefly). Luckily, someone else in the pool saw her struggling behind me and swam over to get her before things were critical. I didn’t hear her splashing, nor did I hear the man yelling my name from the other side of the pool, or when he jumped in the pool to save her.
You are a great mom…I’ve seen you in action and I know. The reality is that life is fragile, even when you are a great parent.
Some people will judge, because there will always be those who do, but I want you to know that “but for the grace of God go I”, and you, and every mother out there who loves her child.
Good for you on doing something proactive! And Thank you Jesus for preserving Jayce’s little life. May God use you and this story to save the lives of many other children!
Love,
kellie
Darcie – my heart goes out to you and your family. What a scary experience. I’m so glad that Jayce is ok and hopefully he won’t remember any of it. This is the second water story I’ve read this week – two reminders as we get ready to go the beach. We will be watching vigilantly. Thanks for sharing. Hugs!
Darcie, I am so glad your son is okay, and sorry you both had to go through that experience.
Your story is a great reminder for all of us to remain vigilant, not to get too comfortable.
I am so glad he is ok.
I’m so glad he’s okay! My heart is pounding from reading your story, not just because of your son but of how you must be feeling.
Also, you’re not one of “those parents”. I hope you feel better soon.
Oh Darcie ~ I have been praying for y’all but had no idea what was going on. How horrific that must have been for you. On any given day, that could have been any of us. I am so thankful that God took care of Jayce. We could all learn a thing or two from this post!
With much love,
Julie
Wow. I am so happy he is okay! This brings tears to my eyes. I can only imagine the fear. Thank you for writing this and helping us all remember to be thankful AND vigilant.
Oh my, this post brought tears to my eyes and it really hit home!
We have a pool and our two little ones (son, 4 years old and daughter, 2 years old) have begged to be in it nearly every day this summer.
I’ve been fortunate that nothing like this has happened to us, but I know it could! There have been times when I’ve dove down to the bottom of the pool to get a diving ring for one of the kids. It could happen then. There have been times when I’m helping one child swim across the short end of the pool holding a kick-board while the second child sits patiently on the step for their turn. It could happen then.
I need to be more vigilant..all the time, not just most of the time!
Thank you for sharing and reminding us of this important truth.
I’m so thankful that your Jayce was okay.
Darcie you are so right. I can happen to ANYone. How many times do I not make it that big of a deal when my 2-year-old son jumps in the pool before I can get in to catch him? Sometimes I even think it’s funny that he has no fear of the water. Thank you for opening your heart and telling your story for all to read. It will save someone. I just know it.
And for now, I will pray that God place peace in your heart and hope that those awful images will slowly fade from your memory.
My prayers continue to be with you and Jayce (as well as the whole family). I totally agree with what you have asked us to do. Both Matt and I are CPR certified and have been since the kids were born. We also enrolled Cate and Max in survival swim lessons these past two summers. They are often hard to watch, but I also feel safer knowing that they know what to do if they fell in or tripped in the water. But of course the most important is that parental watchful eye! Thanks for bringing awareness to it, even though I know this is NOT the way you (or anyone) intended this message to come from!
I have been praying for you. I also just forwarded the link to your story to all my play group friends. There are about 25 of us and we go swimming together every other week.
Praise the Lord!! So thankful for your son’s recovery.
I too have experienced how it literally takes one second for a child to be drowning….My kids started swim lessons this summer, and in the meantime we spend our time at the pool in every flotation device available. It doesn’t just happen to “those” parents. The day my daughter slipped under the water, my husband and I were both right there; we just looked away for a second. Thankfully our incident was nothing more than a quick scare.
Thank you for sharing your story. I will share it with others as well.
Darcie, your story is so touching and has obviously made an impact on many. I have no doubt that we will all be incredibly careful in the water this summer. Thank you for sharing, I know that must have been hard. :)
((((Darcie))))
It is huge that you shared that with us, and I’m so glad you did. It could have happened to any one of us — it has, and it will! I don’t know one parent who has gone through this and not wanted to blame themselves, even if they weren’t there. It’s in our very nature to protect our children, taking responsibility for any little (or ginormous) thing that goes wrong.
I’m so glad that you got Jayce out in time and that he recovered just fine. Praise God! We will all learn from your experience, and I promise I will do everything I can to use it from this day forward. Love you so much!!
Merrie
I’m so happy that everything turned out for the best. Growing up with many summers in Arizona myself, its all you hear about every year.
We practically live at the pool now with 2 boys on the swim team, but the younger 2 know that they don’t go near the ‘big pool’ unless they have their swim vests on (and only if Daddy is there with us…otherwise we restrict them to the kiddie pools). I am super-anal when it comes to this despite their pleading and begging. 3/4 of my boys have had near misses in the pool, 2 of which I was less than 2 feet away from them, one was even in a hot tub.
You can never be to safe, thank you for the reminders for all of us out there.
Both, dh and I have taken CPR courses in the past, but it never hurts to refresh it.
Hope you don’t mind — I’m encouraging my two readers to visit this post. We could all use the reminder of what can happen to any of one of us!
Oh Darcie….I was crying reading this post. I am so sorry you had to go through that. I had a similar incident with my son in the bath…I got him before things were critical but I still have that image in my head to this day. Thank goodness everyone is alright.
I cried when I read your post. And of course the images of my own 2 year old underwater came to my head. She fell in the river at the River Walk in San Antonio. I had my hands on her when she fell. I don’t think I ever jumped into a river faster than I did when she went under. I am so glad that your Jayce is okay. I am praying for you to heal from the emotional trauma that you have been through. Thank you for your post. I hope that in reading it many people with be vigilant to protect their children.
Wow what a powerful post and thank god that everything turned out the way it did! We’re at my parents pool almost everyday and it only takes a second! Thanks for opening my eyes a bit wider today! Hug your little Jayce tight for all of us!
I’m so glad Jayce is ok. The same thing happened to me this week (see below), but mercifully my son was only under for a few seconds.
We do our best and pray that everything turns out ok. I’m so glad it did for you.
http://www.suburbanfizz.com/2009/07/splash.html
Thank you for sharing what must have been so hard to write. I’m still praying for you and your family.
Thanks for publishing this. Thanks for taking the road you have. For what it’s worth, you sound like a freakin’ awesome parent. May God richly bless you, your home, household and heart!
Wow. What an incredible story. I am so very happy for your happy ending to this story. Wow.
Oh, Darcie. I’m so sorry y’all went through this, and so happy that your tale is not worse.
Drowning is probably the greatest fear I have for my children. Precisely because it can happen so quickly and under supervision. Our oldest son, Buddy, has had two incidents where he was face down in the water for a few seconds, and both times when I was within reach, in the water. I still have nightmares about it.
Even now, with my girls being fairly strong swimmers, and Buddy having reached the point of not needing a flotation device, I am filled with anxiety any time we go swimming. It is not relaxing and carefree for me, and I don’t know if it ever will be.
When we come home from swimming, and the kids are all resting, I go around and check on each of them, making sure they are really there and really safe. I try not to pass on my fears to them while helping them have a healthy respect for the dangers involved. Reading your story will only further remind me that we can never be too vigilant.
Oh man this just made me feel sick to my stomach . . . I’m so glad everything turned out ok!
Hope this helps with the healing, Darcie. Give him a great big kiss for me!
Darcie, thank you for sharing this story. I know it must be difficult for you to relive this experience, but it needed to be shared. Sometimes we forget that it only takes an instant for things to go terribly wrong – thanks for the reminder. Now I’m going to go hug my children.
Darcie, I’m so sorry to read your story…but so happy things turned out OK. You are a good parent – don’t ever doubt yourself.
Thank you for sharing this, Darcie. We can never be reminded too often. I am so happy your story had a happy ending and that you are sharing it in the hopes of helping other.
Your point about not being “those parents” has really hit home with me today, after dear family friends who are also most definitely not “those parents” lost a teenager to a drug overdose this weekend. Terrible things can happen to any of us. We cannot be too vigilant.
I came here from Postcards from Insanity to read this post. Let me just say…your post terrified me. Thank you for writing it and pouring out your heart to us. It is not easy talking about things that we feel is our fault- and writing them on the internet for everyone to read is even harder.
I haven’t read all the comments before mine and so I may be repeating what has already been said. But, you should not be so hard on yourself. Yes, your son almost drowned. Do you know how many times I have pulled my kids out of a pool? No of course not, you don’t know me. But honestly, I have watched as my kids went under and they didn’t make a peep. Not a single sound. The common misconception is that a drowning person will splash and yell out for help. They don’t- they just quietly go under. You are not responsible for your son’s near drowning. You are responsible for saving his life. Had you not been so vigilent about staying in the pool and watching your kids and counting heads, your son would not be with you today. I know how hard it is to accept this perspective, but it is truly how I see it. You did not go to that pool on that day and have intentions of your son drowning. You had intentions of a good time and keeping your kids safe. You did just that. Your son is alive and well and he has you to thank for that. Good job Mom.
Darcie – I’m so sorry you went through this. Thanks for sharing your story, and I’m so glad your son is okay.
I am sorry you went through that! Kiss the kids and let me know if you need anything! I love ya!
Darcie, I am so sorry you had to experience this. I am so happy that everything turned out ok, and that Jayce is doing well. What a painful reminder of how quickly things can happen even when we do all the right things. Your story brought tears to my eyes, thank you for sharing it with us. I will be thinking about you and your family!
Darcie, I barely know you (new to your blog) but my heart raced and tears formed as I read your story here. How easily it could have been any one of us reading your blog. How easily it could have been one of my son’s laying next to me in the pool without my being aware. Praise God you are the good parent you are, and that you began counting heads again… you’re so blessed, he is blessed…and your story will save lives.
Your story will light a kind fire under the hind ends of the parents reading your blog so that they aren’t the close call…or the ones that lose their child to a drowning.
And please don’t think, even for a second, that people might read this and think you aren’t a good parent. That isn’t true. I know from your words…bad things happen to good people/kids/parents all of the time.
HUGS to you and your family. I’m sorry for the painful memories you all will have to live with now, but I do hope that you’ll find more comfort in having each other than pain from the sight you had to witness that day.
Nell
Darcie – We all doubt ourselves as parents at one point or another in the lives of our children, but rest assured, Jayce has been blessed with a Mommy that loves him, would do anything for him, and has taken what I hope is the worst thing that will ever happen to him and turned it into a wake up call for all of us. We are so grateful to you for sharing this story, reminding us how fragile every moment of life is.
Much love and prayers and you and Jayce walk the path of healing – both in body and mind.
Hey sis I heard about this from J mo… You two are the best parents ever dont ever doubt urself look at me..I hope you guys know how much I love each and everyone of u guys and gals…call me sometime
This is Becca’s Mom. I can only imagine what you and your family went through during this time. I thought I knew what Bec was feeling until I read this today. I have done nothing but thought about you, your family and Becca all day and really since Thursday when this happened. I just don’t know what to say – Thank you – for alerting others to the dangers. I know Becca and I know she is one of the most caring, wonderful Mom’s I know, and not just because she is my daughter but we have always been proud of the way her and Steve are bringing up our Grandsons. She is devastated that something like this has happened. I guess I just want to say “Thank You for being such a dear friend” And I know that God was with you and Bec and the kids that day. Don’t EVER let anyone say that you are both anything other than the best Mom’s. Accidents happen in a split second – thank God that everything turned out ok. I don’t know what else to say.
Wow,,, you should publish this so that your words will be heard by the world… it is true that bad things do happen to good people, I may not know you personally but am very pleased to know Becca, and am glad that she was there to help you and share in your strengths. Some things bring people together for whatever reason, and it sounds like you two were meant to be together that day. My best to you and your family, and Stand tall, and smoother your children with all the love you can. Keep writing it will help you cope with this and all of the things that may come your way while raising children. Be safe….
Darcie, I want to thank you for writing this. I’m sure that by putting your story out there in such a raw and emotional way will help to save somebody from the same situation or much worse. I’m so sure of this…
Continued prayers and may God continue to wrap his mighty arms around you ever so tightly. ;)
Darcie,
I followed Sharon’s note from her website to read about her grandson. She is a wonderful lady and you are also.
Your story was heart wrenching. I hope you will print your story and all the comments and scrapbook them or journal them for Jayce. He will need to know how one day you thought you might have lost him but with God’s grace and mercy he lives.
This is the most wonderful part of the story but to know that your relationship with God lets you know that HE has mercy and grace on you and that you must rejoice in all that he has given you and that being joyful and praising HIM for the second chance with Jayce. You are not one of those parents….. but one of the kind that will live in eternity. Give Jayce a hug from all the strangers that have been touched by his life and his mother’s faith.
Darcie,
I am so sorry this happened to your family.
This very same thing happened to us on May 27, 2007 when my son was 3 years old. It happened almost exactly the way you described.
The only difference is that I was not there and for that I feel much guilt. Oh, so much guilt. I was away with my husband for our ten year anniversary. I left my children with a trusted family member who took them to our neighborhood pool. He turned away for just a second to look for my older child and when he turned back he could not find my son.
In what was described to me as seconds in slow motion, another mother saw my son and pulled him out of the pool. She told me that she has nightmares of my son and what she saw. She described every moment to me just exactly the way you described your own experience.
My own guilt has just pierced my soul of not being there and not reminding my brother to make sure he had on his life jacket. I really thought I did. I thought I left those instructions on the list. And I was a plane ride away. It was torture until I could get home and hold my baby.
I am forever thankful to that other mother that not only was keeping an eye on her children but also noticed mine. Thankful does not really even begin to describe how I feel toward her. She was an angel.
Praise God your Jayce is okay and yes it is a reminder of how diligent we have to be around water. It happens to the best of parents. I will be praying for healing of your heart – I know how broken it feels right now.
Thank you for having the courage to write what had to be a difficult post for you. I’m so sorry to hear what you went through…it had to have been so frightening! I am always chastising my husband for being too “worried” when our 3 yr old is in the pool (with us right beside her), but I am going to change my tune after reading this. I’m so happy that your story had a happy ending. Prayers and hugs to you.
I’m going to send this post to all of my friends who have children (I don’t have any but will be the helpful aunt whenever I can!), with the hopes that they think just one extra time about water safety. It’s one of the reasons I don’t have kids yet – I just can’t imagine the guilt and responsibility of having something so wonderful and having it all go so wrong. Your strength in this time is encouraging and deserved – my prayers are with your family and you.
Amazing, Darcie. How you managed to get all that out of you and arrange the words so perfectly, I will never understand.
Oh, Darcie. I’m so glad that Jayce is safe and sound. I’ll likely think of this story for weeks (and months) now – and, yes, I will be extra vigilant around the water.
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