If my house could talk it would have a lot to say.
Like, um. Hello? Exactly what kind of people crank a song titled “Ugly Bug Ball” for after dinner entertainment?”
And…do you people talk about anything other than Disney?
Which of these kids actually belong and which are transient?
Crumbs. Crumbs at breakfast. Lunch. Snacks. And dinner too? I know you appreciate clean floors as much as I. But have you any idea how that thing you refer to as a broom tickles my underside?
Don’t you think a tequila shooting session is better suited for Saturday night than Sunday?
Would you mind dusting my ceiling fans more than twice a year?
If I had ears, I’d be begging for plugs. Seriously.
Tell me you didn’t strategically place a hidden mickey on Kennedy’s bedroom wall. Really?
Could someone teach that boy the art of aiming for the toilet? Please.
And the big guy too. While you’re at it.
On the subject of toilets…it would serve you well to remind the toddler to flush. Ahem.
The teenager? She needs to crack a window in there. For real. Talk about stale.
Do ya’ll have something against clipping toenails into a wastebasket? C’mon.
Explain to me how the nine-year-old has enough grease on the bottom of her feet after every meal to leave footprints? It’s not like fried chicken is a staple around here.
Pssst. That “lost” video game? It’s in the playroom. Wedged between the wall and toy box. You’re welcome.
The checkbook from 2006 though? Long gone.
Oh yeah. And you didn’t hear it from me, but the teenager is sneaking food in her room again. Check under the bed for wrappers.
The dryer doesn’t really eat socks. Your daughter does.
You may want to consider an exterminator. And if not…you should definitely wear slippers when you get up at night to pee. Just sayin.
I appreciate Thursday clean up nights. I really. Really do.
And the way you fill me up with the scent of buckwheat blueberry pancakes come Saturday morning.
Or homemade apple pie at the first sign of Autumn.
I never tire of the sound of laughter echoing off my walls.
Or the feel of the family cozied up with popcorn on movie night.
The hustle and bustle of the school year is comfortable and familiar.
And the pre Disney trip frenzy brings even my footings to life.
I’m definitely a full house.
And I wouldn’t want it any other way.
