I think it depends on a lot of things. It depends on your definition of dating, it depends on what you’re doing when you’re dating, it depends on how much you’re dating, and so many other things. I’m personally glad I dated a little bit, because it taught me what I was looking for in a husband and how I could be a worthy wife. That said, I’m sure God can bring me a husband better than one I’m looking for and I can learn with that husband how to be a better wife. So I suppose I’m kind of in the middle? The less you give your heart away to people who aren’t your husband, the better, but within reason I don’t see it as a terrible thing, either.

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I disagree.

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I don’t get it. Dating is spending time with someone, seeing if you “fit” together as a couple, going out and getting to know one another… how is that practice for divorce?

I think it’s necessary. I am glad that I dated before marrying my one and only. I know how lucky I am because I dated others. Not all guys are as great as he is.

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I don’t see anything wrong with dating. But I do think it depends on how you treat it. I mean, I’ve done things I shouldn’t have. I’ve done things that I am not exactly proud of. But you know what? I don’t regret it. To me, it’s helping me find what I truly want in a mate. If I were to marry someone blindly (before getting to know them…), that seems as if there would be a higher chance for divorce.

Overall, though, I think it depends on the individual person.

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I felt like dating gave me a sense of knowing what I wanted for sure and what I would and would not tolerate well. I’m not one who dated a TON of guys. I had 3 long relationships in my life including Joe. I felt like I could pretty much tell by the 3rd or 4th date if it was worth continuing and that’s what I thought was the point. :)

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Find another church.

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so your pastor has kissed dating good-bye? gross. i cannot stand that kind of thinking. in fact, it was so pervasive in my college campus ministry that i saw a number of couples marry without really dating. in other words, they married each other as strangers. this may work in other cultures, but not here in the USA.

now at the same time, i think that the way kids date nowadays can be pretty messed up. everything from oral sex parties to things my 32 year old brain probably can’t even conceive of. i have ideas of what we will teach our kids about dating, but most of it will begin at home teaching them to have a strong emotional/spiritual foundation, as well as a firm grasp of what they want for themselves in life, not just themselves as part of a couple either.

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Looking forward to your opinion, Darcie. Can’t say I’m on the same page as your pastor…but I’ve heard the “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” message time and again. Isn’t “courting” dating?

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Maybe he’s thinking of the sexual activity that happens often during dating?
I disagree with him. How are you supposed to get to know someone if you don’t date?

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Disagree. Before Shane, I dated a few guys and without fail, I wanted to strangle every single one of them when we hit the one month mark. Without my previous experiences of wanting to strangle, how could I have weighed Shane against that and realized that he was the one?

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Hit enter too soon! I wanted to say that I’m certain without those other experiences, I would have eventually realized he was the one, but I do think it helped me to realize it quicker.

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If “dating” is getting to know people so that you know what you are and are not interested in and if there is any chemistry…then I’m all for it.

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I think you need to find a new church.

In all seriousness, I look at dating as a critical part of getting to know someone…how else would you know if you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone?

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People should read “ikissed dating goodbye” before judging. It does promote knowing a person very well before marrying them. I don’t think it is a perfect plan, but makes a lot of valid points.

Think about dating (Especially in teenagers). They enjoy all the fun and games and playact the fun grownup parts (not just sexual, but even the intimacy of saying I love you, etc) nut when they Start to notice things they don’t like or something better comes along- they jump ship and run. Without really learning what it means to work things out. Then they get married and assume they will have the tools to do it when things get tough. The frustrating flip side to that is that most teenage romances aren’t worth working on.

I think the backlash against courting throws the baby out with the bathwater. Maybe some parts aren’t perfect for everyone, but there is some sound truth in there.

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I’m confused. Is he mistaking dating with promiscuity? If so, I see his point.

But if he’s talking about dating as a courtship I think he’s dead wrong. Afterall, don’t they tell you to continue dating your spouse throughout your marriage. I thought date nights were suppose to help save marriages.

And if there’s no dating pre-marriage, does he then advocate for arranged marriages?

Clearly I’m confused as to the point he was trying to make.

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We are in the middle of this whole thing having an ‘anydaynow’ 16 year old daughter. I think dating is ok. As in going out to dinner, lunch, movies, icecream, etc. with different boys. What we do not think is ok, is having a steady boyfriend at this age. No going over to a boys house and being alone. I think the whole having one serious boyfriend thing only leads to the stuff that boys are so consumed with at this age. The physical stuff. That’s what I wan to help protect her from, because honestly it’s hard.
This is so important to me right now, I can’t wait to hear your thoughts.
*Love Torri’s answer in the comments, that was your Torri right? :)he he

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Oh gosh, if I married some of my picks during my younger years, I would be in a lot of trouble. Thank GOD for dating! Now I know exactly what characteristics I am NOT to have in a husband.

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I think it is so interesting that people are such big advocates of learning “what you don’t want”. I would think an intelligent person could make that field very very narrow without dating a lot of the wrong people.

And I agree with the earlier comment about the difference between hanging out with boys or spending time with them vs. having a boyfriend.

I have seen so many friends who are paying the consequences for their “relationships” from middle school and high school well into their marriages. And I don’t mean the girls who got pregnant! I mean the girls who fell in “love”.

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Wow – so he’s into arranged marriages then? Because how else are you going to find someone to spend the rest of your life with? I agree with pretty much what everyone else said. Dating is necessary and it’s all about how you go about it.

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I think dating has its place, within reason. Like the first person said, it really depends on what dating means and what is involved. I don’t think people should be sleeping around and that kind of thing, but I also think you might need to spend time with more than one person. Perhaps your pastor was moving towards a courting idea, which is very popular in Christian circles, I understand.

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How could you still hear what he said after that loud opening music?

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I am here now with my son and honestly I am still trying to decide how I feel about this. Pre-marital sex? No. But does dating have to lead to that? I don’t think so, if there clear boundaries. And I agree that being exclusive with one person at a young age leads to hormones making the decisions. I’m sure that we will allow our son to date, but first have a very long talk about expectations.

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Coming from the position of a pastor’s wife, I wonder why he thought that it was his right to choose for other people whether or not it is right for their sons and daughters to date. I have read the book “I Kissed Dating Goodbye.” Because of a boy, I tried to do that, but for me it did not work. I dated 3 guys prior to my husband. One that I quickly found out was not my type. One that I thought was my type, but after a few months realized that we had different goals in life. And one that was the sweetest guy in the whole world, but a terrible kisser. By the time I dated him I realized that not only did I need the sweetest guy in the whole world, I also had to be attracted to him in some way. I was not attracted to this fellow and he couldn’t handle my moodiness, but I was attracted to his best friend and his best friend could handle my moodiness. We are all friends and my dating the other never bothered either of the guys. I actually think that short engagements are a good thing because if you are engaged to someone, then you obviously know each other well (or should) and you should go through premarital counseling with either a pastor or a professional counselor. Then once all the bugs that can be exposed before a marriage are and the couple still wants to get married, then of course they want to have sex with each other. So, they should just get married. Then they do not have sex before marriage. Brilliant. However, this didn’t work for my husband and I who had to be engaged longer than we wanted to, but we still managed to get married before having sex. And my opinion on dating doesn’t have to be everyone’s opinion. If someone doesn’t want to date and has other methods to get to know someone, great. If someone needs a long engagement, though I don’t understand it because I think that if they’re engaged they should be sure that they want to get married, that doesn’t mean that they are wrong, just different. The important thing is to remain sexually pure, and if you aren’t, repent (turn a 180, asking for forgiveness from God and the person you are sinning against). All in all, I don’t believe that the Bible actually tells us what to think about dating. It does give us principles to follow when we do (or don’t) though.

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Lol on what Gramps said. :)

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I don’t agree. Maybe living together before marriage (though I did that and we’re together 12 years) but certainly not just dating. And I think it’s important that you date more than one person… how else are you supposed to know when you’ve found the right one?

Nell

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