So I didn’t see your earlier post, but as you might guess I completely agree with you.

I’d be very curious to hear the rest of that sermon. Does he propose that we somehow choose a mate for life without dating? Seems like that has disaster written all over it.

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Very well written, especially the roots and wings part. I’ve never heard that before, but I like it.

And the puns made me giggle :)

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I commented on your last post as well, but after this one, I have more to say. I didn’t date hardly at all in high school because I wasn’t interested in the boys at my school or they weren’t interested in me. I had one boyfriend in high school, my senior year. He didn’t go to my school. My parents let me meet him in a town that was not our own, trusting that what they taught me would help me. It did. Helped me see that he was not right for me and was interested in things that I did not want to do (have sex). When I got to college, I had 2 other boyfriends and because of my limited experience and being so far from home, I had to learn a lot about dating without the comfort of mom and dad being at home to keep me from doing what I shouldn’t. There was no curfew, no conversation when I got home to help me figure out anything that needed to be figured out. When I broke up with the first boyfriend I had in college, I went home that weekend. It was one of the few times I did that, and I never told my parents why. They gave me wings, but I needed to know that when I came home, they were there and still the same. It was a hard break-up because we did some things that I didn’t think were right, but were “technically” not wrong. My oldest brother was born before my parents were married. I didn’t know that until my the day before my wedding day. I wish that my parents would have talked with me, been more open, and guided me more. I really figured it all out on my own. It wasn’t an easy lesson. Coming from my experiences, I think that your method of teaching your kids is great, and I hope that one day when they are all grown, they realize it and call you on the phone just to say thanks. I would have.

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Dating can be a complex little beast and I’m glad I am out of that stage of my life. I believe it was necessary though and good preparation for marriage. McDaddy and I dated for six years before marriage and I have to say I think we were better prepared than we would have been had we gotten married right away. Great post, as usual! =)

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I so agree with you, and you always give the best reasons and examples. I want to keep my daughter locked up and hold this off as long as possible, but I know that’s not right or healthy. If I don’t let her have these experiences while she still lives at home how is she going to be able to handle herself out there on her own? That seems alot harder.
You should send this to your Pastor…..

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Great post Darcie! It sounded very well reasoned and thoughtful. My husband and I have ongoing conversations about what dating will look like for our family. Right now it includes a whole lot of time spent in the presence of family. Hopefully they will want that anyway. We got pregnant with our first child while engaged, so I think a lot about how we will honestly talk about our situation and what we want for her (and her siblings) to learn from us.

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Right on!!

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Great post and well thought out. My husband and I still have differing opinions on the subject. I know we will continue to have lots more conversations on this very topic as our girls get older. I wanted to comment on one particular sentence in your post that immediately stood out. You said, “Without those experiences, how would they know what qualities to seek out in a future spouse?”. My first thought was “Well, by our example as her parents, of course.” I know you have a great relationship with your husband. Our examples, as healthy married couples, will go a long way to teach and show them by example what to look for in a husband. Strong relational ties with their Daddy’s will allow them to experience unconditional love and be the example they can expect a future husband to emulate. Speaking from my own experience as a young woman, I do not want my girls to give their hearts away before they have the emotional and spiritual discernment to separate the honest and true from the false look-a-likes. I’d like them to experience friendship with boys and by doing so, learn to discern what qualities they admire and desire in a husband vs the ones that will ultimately lead to heartbreak and destruction.

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)One of those sweet girls just pressed enter for me before I was ready). Back to the original post, I disagree with the idea that dating leads to divorce. Divorce is a product of a sinful world and sinful man’s selfish desires. How to guide our children through this emotional period of life is an individual decision for each family to make according to what is right for them. I applaud you for carry on honest and ongoing discussion about relationships, choices, and consequences! Thank you for your example.

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My parents allowed me to date, while keeping close tabs, physically and emotionally, on the process. I had a couple of broken hearts and the usual teenage dating drama, but the lessons learned were invaluable. I discovered what love wasn’t, in a very safe way.

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I so agree with you. I think having those experiences makes you stronger and smarter.

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Well said; as usual.

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The only thing you can do is what you said – “Pray, Pray, Pray” and hope that she hears every word you say to her. – But most of all, “PRAY HARD”. Ask Becca, I did a lot of that and the Lord answered my prayers………Thank you Lord, for Steve.

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Good post on an issue that we all have to face sometime – letting these kids date. I’ve heard this argument before about not letting kids date and my husband actually loves the idea! I’m not so sure, though.
I dated my hubby for 5 years before we married and I have to say that it was beneficial to our marriage. We knew each other pretty well when we decided to make a life commitment. I was allowed to date at a too young of age and basically whoever I wanted as a teenager, though. My mom talked to me about getting too heavily involved but I always did and got my heart broken time and time again. I put way too much of my young life into those boys. I just wish my mom had given me more boundaries – she was s single mom doing the best she could, though. She thought I was happy. Dating is good but I was still too young to be as involved as I was sometimes and to have known some boundaries would have been good. Even if they were my tied to my own self-respect – especially that. I agree that at the right time, I will let my kids date and yes, they will get broken hearts – but I will speak crystal clearly to them like you said and set the boundaries I didn’t have.

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Well put. This has been on my mind a lot lately, though my kids are still really young. I feel that my husband and I made good choices growing up, and I hope that I am a good enough parent to help my kids do the same.

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I didn’t get to the other post first, but wow! That’s crazy talk. I’m wondering what his solution is then? Is it pre-arranged marriages? How else do you decide who to marry? I really don’t get it.

You are totally right and I’m with you 110%. You guide them, teach them and talk to them until their ears bleed…and in the end, you pray they were listening and make the right decisions.

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I have to agree with you. I thought it kinds of strange to hear a blanket statement like that (on Sunday), although, I kind of get what he meant. Its not that simple, though…dating/not dating. If I hadnt dated a few (ok more than a few…) poor soles before I met the one, I’d be a pretty lousy spouse I think. The key is in the type of dating, the boundaries, the discussions about it, etc.

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I agree. Dating is an important way to discover not only your ideal mate but more importantly it helps a person discover their true self. Did I always date the type that was right for me? No. Do I regret the time I gave to some suitors? Yep. I kissed a few frogs until my heart found a prince!

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WELL SAID. I totally agree.

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