We had some friends over for breakfast this morning. Friends–or maybe family– I can’t quite be sure. Maybe a little of both.
Not that it was always that way. Far from it.
We’ve known each other for more than half of my life. For seventeen years.
But we’ve only liked each other for, eh, maybe six or seven of those.
The rest of those years were spent first bickering, then battling. Over something we had in common–something precious to us both: our baby girl.
It’s gotten easier as she’s grown.
Easier to see that we both want the same things for her, even if we disagree on how to get there.
If you’ve never experienced shared custody it’s nearly impossible to imagine how difficult it can be.
But I can attest.
It’s a painful road. A road littered with blame and contempt and insecurities. Ugly words and hateful thoughts and splintered bonds. Shattered dreams and broken hearts–both big and small.
Which makes this emerald meadow at the end of that road all the sweeter.
He came with his girlfriend, to spend the weekend with our baby {who isn’t so much a baby anymore}.
I couldn’t wait to meet The Girlfriend; I’d heard lots of good things. And she certainly didn’t disappoint. I genuinely liked her. Really, really liked her. Which is saying a lot. Because those that came before her? Eh, not so much.
The eight of us crowded around our table this morning. And we ate and we laughed {while the sickly among us coughed}. We poked fun and reminisced and smiled.
It felt good.
Not only because her dad is family {once removed}.
But also because she witnessed it all.
She was there–between us–but not a buffer.
She saw us smile, and mean it. She heard us laugh, together.
She had breakfast with her family–juxtaposed at one strangely-quilted table.
Four years ago I would have dismissed the possibility.
Today I smile. And know never to say never.
This life is far from storybook. Far far far.
But it’s real.
And it’s me.
And it works.
More so now than ever before–granted–but still.
It’s good to be on this side.
Good for all of us.
{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
Good for you.
That is wonderful! She is so lucky to have all of you!
So happy it’s come to this, makes me smile.
Wow, that is great! So wonderful for Torri and so awesome of you to have them over.
i’m so happy for you. my parents never got to that point… until the grandkids came along. i grew up constantly being put in the middle and hearing them fight. it was awful. what a lucky girl you have!
Life is full of surprises, and what a wonderful testament to growing up for us all, we never really stop, growing up that is. I am so happy for all of you.
What a beautiful testament to redemption and what is truly possible. Thrilled that you had such a weekend…
I love hearing about this. I grew up with divorced parents who hated eachother and it was awful. I felt like everytime one of them put the other down they were putting a piece of me down, I don’t know why they didn’t get that.
I’m glad to hear things went so well. My husband and I both have divorced parents and I know how much it helps to see your parents get along, even when it’s not easy.
I have nothing to add that hasn’t already been said, but I’ll say it again anyway. I think it’s really great that you have been able to work your way to this point. I can’t imagine how hard it would be, and I admire you tremendously for getting there. Not many people do.
What a fantastic post! I am sure she was so grateful to have that moment with you both.
love and miss all of you guys!
so glad :)
Terrific. All of you. Bravo. SO important for HER. You’ll never know how much.
Beauty from ashes…..This is beautiful, Darcie.
Off topic:
My three year old said “flowers, flowers. birdy. pretty lady.” when he saw your blog :)
Nell
How wonderful that you can both be the bigger people, for her. I love it.
I know this feeling. I had it this past Thanksgiving when I had the pleasure of hosting my entire family…the same family a handful of years ago I wanted to remove myself completely from. Im so so glad I didnt. Things can and do change. Good for you!
I understand this…
Steph
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