Lately my mind keeps being pulled to the ifs.
The plots in the novels I’m reading, the estate planning software (unopened on my desktop) and topics on Oprah have my mind wandering.
Yucky ifs.
…if I end up in a wheelchair.
…if I get Lou Gehrig’s disease.
…if something horrific wreaks havoc on our life savings.
I told you; these are yucky ifs.
Sometimes–when these ifs threaten to pounce–I run the figurative numbers. I tell myself that my “if” has already happened. And I reason that the “if” I’ve been dealt is not so bad, as far as “ifs” go.
I distinctly remember having a conversation with another mom, back when my oldest was the only. This other mom and I were discussing the possibility of future siblings for our only-ies. And she said something that struck me. She said, “it’s hard to think about another when I have this one who is perfectly healthy.”
I thought she was such a downer. Who thinks like that?
I was young. Naive.
She was older. Less naive.
And wouldn’t you know–just a few years later–an if of the very sort she was speaking snuck through.
I’ve since come around to her way of thinking.
Not so much in regard to more children.
But the ifs.
The ifs are more prevalent now. Now that I see {and appreciate} all that I have to lose.
There is a positive to this if-dwelling: the ever-present reminder to live. Out loud. Presently. Intentionally. To give thanks for the iflessness of my days.
Because this much I know is true: each moment I ponder the if is one lost to me, wasted. Never to return.
If if go away. Don’t come again another day.
I’m too busy. Enjoying the iflessness.
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Amen.
Our pastor was just talking about this a couple of weeks ago. He said “if” is a damaging word in the life of a Christian. It does not imply trust in God and His will, but in yourself and your understanding.
I had never thought about it like that before. No more if’s! ;)
Awh, I do the same thing.
Iflessness is wonderful. Enjoy your life, every day. And worry about those ifs only when you need to.
I love the word iflessness!
Do you know if that other mom had any more children? I wish I knew what to do in that area.
Very well said. I sometimes wonder “if” I had dared to have more children IF I would have had another preemie. I used to wonder what if my husband lost his job, and we realized the reality of that if this past year. We are slowly finding our way back to our path. No need to worry daily about the IFs. We’ve shown that we can survive. Still, I wonder…
I really identified with this post. I often let the “ifs” sneak in my mind and it’s terrifying. I agree, “if if go away”
Man, I can relate. Sometimes I’m horrified by the morbid thoughts that pop into my head. I don’t want them! As we’ve been discussing having a 3rd kiddo we’ve talked about a lot of “ifs” as well. Sounds like I’m not the only one!
PS – Having an Eleven giveaway! Gotta tell you since I won from you in the 1st place, which is how I got the idea to ask to do a giveaway at some point. :)
Darcie you are such a wonderful writer. Very thought provoking. I can definitely relate. I am very much the “if Plan “A” doesn’t work, what’s Plan “B”? I’m always thinking – what if? I know that’s not the best but it’s how I deal with life.