Forgive me if this is TMI, but I just have to share.
Jeff and I had a little post-midnight rendezvous last night.
TMI? Probably not. Once I tell you precisely what kind of rendezvous it was.
The clock showed 1:15 when I awoke to the sound of what could easily have been mistaken for a yelling child, coming through loud and clear on the baby monitor. Jeff heard it too.
It only took me a minute or two to get my bearings and identify the noise.
The same, however, could not be said for my thoroughly confused husband, who turned the volume of the monitor way up, all whilst trying to concentrate through the fog of interrupted REM.
He must have lived a privileged childhood or something because he had never heard the sound before.
I, on the other hand, must not have. Because I easily deciphered the howling.
Or meowing, if you will.
Assuming that one could refer to the obnoxious noise of a cat in heat as meowing.
It’s debatable.
Once I told Jeff what it was he asked (in his cranky sleepy voice): how many are there?
How many whats?
Cats. In heat.
Oh. Just one.
There’s gotta be more than one.
Why?
Because clearly the one making that noise is getting hers. {You’ll have to forgive me for not expounding on this. Three generations of my family read this blog so I’m leaving it at that.}
Ahem. That is not the noise she is making.
Well why is she doing that then? {Because clearly I’m the feline reproduction expert}.
To attract a mate. Duh.
Well no wonder.
No wonder what?
No wonder she’s been at it for so long.
Why’s that?
Because she’s sending them running the other way.
We spent the next thirty or so minutes trying to figure out a way to drown out the noise. My selfless husband considered using the noise canceling headphones he hijacked from me long ago. The flaw with his solution was that it sort of left me hanging. And he should have known that if mama ain’t sleepin, he ain’t either.
So we settled on the “rhythmatic” ocean waves CD we purchased long ago.
But it didn’t take us long to remember why it goes unused.
It’s less rhythmatic and more jarring. Not so conducive to white noise if you ask me.
I was trying to make do though, and drift back to an elusive slumber.
But apparently the waves were disturbing my comedic husband, who decided to toss in random seagull impersonations.
Needless to say, there was not a lot of sleep to be had in our bedroom last night.
There was a lot of wishing for BB guns though.
Followed by a rant about why our neighbors should spay and neuter their cats.
And since I couldn’t beat him by doing my best to stay silent so as to summon sleep, I decided to join him. I reminded him how just a couple of weeks before I’d told him how a stupid cat in heat had kept me up half the night. His response then had been that he’d never heard a cat in heat.
At least now you can say you’ve heard what a cat in heat sounds like.
I’d rather be able to say I know what a dead cat sounds like.
Me too.
With any luck, the coyotes will be hungry tonight…
{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }
This sure is a lot funnier during the day… :-)
How funny!! I would have been wishing for a BB gun too!
This is hilarious! Although probably not as funny in the middle of the night. I have to say I’ve never heard a cat in heat before, I probably would have called the police!
I was giggling before, but when I got to the part about Jeff making seagull noises, I lost it.
When your phone rings at 1 am and there are people laughing and making seagull noises on the other end of the line, you’ll know who it is…
I wonder if a water hose would have worked? Ya know, to spray the cat? Just sayin. Cool that kitty off.
I would tell you that I know for a fact that an airgun works quite effectively to scare their obnoxious little behinds scurrying to another yard, but then the PETA people would hunt me down and flog me.
So, um, good luck with that.
Oh, and if you haven’t already, sprinkle cayenne pepper all over your property – stings their bottoms and also sends them scurrying – but is somewhat less effective, and inarguably less satisfying than the aforementioned air gun method.
My neighbors have 11 cats. 11. THey are spayed/neutered, but they have not learned how not to dig or puke in my flower beds. And this morning, I came outside to a lovely dead bird laying in the middle of my driveway, courtesy of these cats. So while they aren’t waking me up in the middle of the night, it sucks every single morning when I walk outside, so I totally feel for you.
You make me laugh.
I can’t say I know what that “sound” is like. From your description, I don’t think I ever want to find out…
When I was a kid, I used to wake up to that terrifying sound at night. I’d lie there sweating and trembling b/c I couldn’t figure out what horrible creature was trying to get through the wall to eat me.
To this day that sound gives me the sweats and the chills.
This would be why we have dogs. Females. Fixed.
You could make the seagulls and cats in heat part of your next game. And you know, if you put your radio in the window and turned on some nice music, that cat in heat may have been in heat no longer. You could have helped her set the mood.
Oh my gawsh, NOTHING is worse than being woken in the middle of the night, especially when it is by something you can do nothing about. You do tell it so well, though. :-)
Oh dear! LOL!
Don’t you mean 4 generations? Life is never dull at your casa…
I love TMI…
I was a little nervous at first as to where this story was going….:)
Love the making seagull noises part! So funny.
I found a solution via a cat in heat google search. It merely involves sending your hubby outside with a q-tip. Emailing instructions now. ROFL!!
I am SO with your hubby on this one. I’m not a cat person AT ALL. Only once, when I saw a mouse in our house, did I slightly wish I could borrow a cat for a few minutes.
What a dreadful sound! I’m so thankful there aren’t a lot of cats in our neighborhood.
Not priviledged – He just always slept through everything – including the cats in the bushes in front of our house!!
And this is precisely why we had our female cat fixed as soon as we could. ;) That sound is terrible!!