Charles Dickens wrote: “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…”
So right, he was. I’ve been in a thoughtful mood today–a reflecting mood. A blog post came to me in the midst of all that thinking. Two blog posts, actually. Two lists. One: The Worst Things. And two: The Best Things. I’m a save-the-best-for-last type of girl.
I started putting that first list together in my mind. The further into the list I got, the more apparent it became that some of those things from my first list spiraled into things that would easily make the second. Which of course got me to thinking about coincidence versus beauty by design. If you’ve been following my blog for long, you already know on which side of that line I fall.
{Some of} The Worst Things
- Losing loved ones
- Getting pregnant too young
- Making terribly immature, life-changing decisions
- Having a baby with a genetic defect that leaves her mentally and physically impaired
- The Near Drowning
Don’t get me wrong; I don’t list these things here as complaints. I really don’t. Because I know full well that I lead a very blessed life. Indeed.
Rather, I list these things here as a statement of fact. Every one among us has a compilation of bests and worsts in our lives–listed or not. One woman’s worst could be the wildest dream come true of the lady down the block. Bests and worsts are relative: a sliding scale of moments that change us. Strengthen us. Mold us.
That list up there comprises the worsts I’m willing to share here. Though it, alone, tells but half of the story.
In the midst of those moments–in the darkest, coldest, wettest trenches of them–I wondered at how I might survive them. I can’t do this, I said aloud. And in that instant I believed myself. I didn’t believe there to be a way to summon the strength. I just can’t.
Come to find out, I was wrong. I don’t want to do this would have been far more accurate. Not nearly as freeing though. Telling myself I couldn’t allowed me an excuse. Admitting I didn’t want to showed weakness.
I’ve crawled out from those trenches, inch by inch in some cases. But here I stand on the other side–the benefit of hindsight casting a whole new light on that which I said I couldn’t handle.
Though it would be misleading to say that I handled it alone. I’ve done no such thing.
I believe–with the conviction of a million truths–that each and every one of those worsts made me stronger. No matter how they came to be, each of those events chiseled me down, only to build me right back up again.
It’s hard, sometimes, to be faithful. To believe–really, truly believe–that that which does not kill us only makes us stronger.
This, though, is what I strive for. To be able to see–even in the trenches–that I’ll emerge better.
I’m disheartened today. Something I’ve been striving for slipped out of reach. Thus the philosophical Darcie. I’m typing all this out more for my benefit than for yours. Sorry ’bout that.
There is another list: my bests. The list that grew from this one.
I’m hoping–I’m faithful–that the view from the other side of this trench, too, will leave me with a warm fuzzy. A knowing smile. A grateful heart. A lesson learned.
And the wisdom to show for it.
{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
Just imagine what your life would be like if those worsts didn’t exist…
I also believe that what doesn’t kill you will make you stronger. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve said that. :)
I can’t wait to see your list of bests.
For me one of the hardest things to really grasp is that, that which doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger. Because some days I’m just tired of being strong.
Praying for you today, that you’ll find those moments of peace and laughter and that they’ll remind you of just how strong you are.
this was beautifully written by the way, as usual! :)
It is hard to have that faith sometimes…but the old saying, “what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger” is a mantra that I always have to go back to in times like those. This is a beautiful post. Thanks for reminding me of this!
I’m afraid I know what it might be, and I’m sad about that. But also I know that everything happens for a reason, so I suppose this is one of those times you must wait and see what the reason is. I was going to say that I know you are destined for greatness, but actually that isn’t quite accurate. You already ARE great.
“Between you and every goal that you wish to achieve, there is a series of obstacles, and the bigger the goal, the bigger the obstacles. Your decision to be, have and do something out of the ordinary entails facing difficulties and challenges that are out of the ordinary as well. Sometimes your greatest asset is simply your ability to stay with it longer than anyone else.” – Brian Tracy
“Pay no attention to what the critics say; no statue has ever been erected to a critic.”
“My imperfections and failures are as much a blessing from God as my successes and my talents and I lay them both at his feet.” -Ghandi
(((Hugs))) I’m struggling with focusing on the positive right now…if you couldn’t already tell from FB.
Thinking of you, and your not so great news, and knowing that you’re going to make something great out of it. Because that’s who I know you to be. A lemonade out of lemons kind of girl.
So sorry for your not so good news. But, you are right, you will become stronger, you have over and over again. You are a beautiful, loving, strong, Mother, Wife, Friend. So, no matter what, you will succeed in more ways than one. DON’T give up, I look for your words of wisdom every day, keep them coming.
Stay strong. Sorry to hear about your not so great news. You are an amazing writer. You strike moms right at the center of our hearts. While there may be a roadblock right now, I hope you’ll soon see the path in front of you. And I bet it’s a rewarding one!
Still waiting for the good list…
Darcie,
Your heart is so beautiful and your writing- as usual- breathtaking. I don’t comment often enough here but simply must tonight. I am so sorry that you feel disheartened. I hope you will find some comfort in knowing that while your “philosophical Darcie” post may have been mainly for your benefit- I am finding so much encouragement in it tonight.
During an especially rough patch lately I have been finding myself saying “I can’t, “I won’t” and literally outloud “I give up” but then there will be some tiny comfort, some little ray, or some soft voice (echoing scripture perhaps, or a song on Christian radio) that makes me take a deep breath and keep moving forward…
I tell myself logically that I KNOW that things could be oh-so-much worse and that I will make it through- but sometimes those thoughts don’t provide the comfort they ought.
I am most thankful for my real life little “senses of purpose” that need Mommy to just.keep.going. everyday:)
Although we have never met in person, I hope that you feel the hug I am sending your way. I am so thankful for you and the beautiful inspiration that you provide.
You have probably heard it but may find a reminder helpful…
A line from the song “Forgiven” has been a lifeline for me the last few months: “When I don’t measure up to much in this life (I remember) I’m a treasure in the arms of Christ…”
Thanks for being the writer, mother,& woman that you are…
I’m sorry for your not-so-great news. I have to say though that you are one of the most talented blog writers I know of. I look forward to popping in over here because I enjoy your way with words. I’m headed to the good list now. And I’ll be waiting to hear some good news because I know that it will come.