Jayce crawled up into my lap this afternoon, curling up under my chin. He let me smooth his hair, kiss his head. And then: will you rock me in my rocking chair?
Absolutely.
An anniversary has been weighing on me all week. The anniversary.
We raced to his room (he insists on racing no matter where we are headed or what we are doing. We race putting on seat-belts and eating our oatmeal and getting dressed in the morning. Nothing is exempt from the race).
He won.
He always wins.
We assumed The Position in his rocking chair and we rocked. And then we read books. We rocked some more.
My mind wandered to that day. I remember it well. Too well: my baby, suspended and lifeless in that blue water.
But the feel of him, solid and heavy in my arms–in that rocking chair–brought me back to the present. I rubbed my fingers over the chub of his cheeks, against his downy soft, sweet little boy face. And once again I squeezed tight my eyes and silently–though with the force of all that I am–thanked God for the outcome of that fateful day.
And within that same span of a moment, I pleaded–so desperate–on behalf of another child. Another mother. Another family that weighs heavy on my heart today. That soon they, too, will know the unspeakable peace that comes after walking so tight a rope and making it to the other side.
My Jayce is here at home with me–in my arms. How I hope and how I pray that this other mother will soon be able to say the same–to know that gift–for years and years to come.
{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh dear. Praying for the unnamed family now. I am so sorry. :(
I am happy – SO happy – that one year later, we are all where we are today. Safe and healthy.
And I’m thinking about that mother, as well.
(((Hugs))) I am praying for the other family too.
I have found the anniversaries to be the hardest to get over. But in just the past 2 for me I have allowed myself to enjoy the day, because it was no longer a reminder of sadness but of my GRATEFULNESS that he is ok.
If that makes any sense. :)
So glad for you and the here and now.
Steph
Wow, has it been a year? I too am grateful for Jayce being here and so healthy! May God continue to watch over him as well as all other kids that that tragedy happens to.
This gave me goose bumps. Beautiful write…
I still remember reading that post and crying. Praise God that you’re celebrating that anniversary with your son under your chin!
Nell
I can not believe that it’s been a year since your unimaginable ordeal with Jayce. One year of sweet moments that you’ve cherished with your little guy. Every day is a blessing!
God Bless you Darcie – I got chills while reading this – I too remember calling in the midst of all the crazyness from that day and the words Michael said to me when he answered the phone. I know that you and Becca have become very close, but I hope in the future that you never ever think back and hold any of this against her. Jayce is here today because he had an angel over his shoulder. And hopefully, that other family has an angel over their shoulders. I will pray for them. And thank God for Angels that watch over us.
I remember reading that post last year as if it were yesterday…and because of it, being even more attentive!
Thank God he was okay and is able to be in your arms now.
This was just lovely. And boy does it make my heart ache for the mother you are thinking of. There are mothers every day that lose their little ones, aren’t there?
Today I will pray for all of those mothers.
I’m so happy your little boy is so healthy and full of life. I remember reading that post (it was linked on Adventures in Babywearing) and I had the chills. I could see how that accident could have just as easily happened to me or one of my friends, and what a nightmare it would be. I will be praying for the other mother too and all mothers (and fathers) who are not able to hug their children tightly.
Thank you so much for reflecting on this tough anniversary. I am sure that those memories are almost impossible to process.
I remember reading your post last year and am embarassed that I did not comment at the time. I think I had so many thoughts that I didn’t know what to say. You described so well a situation that happens all too often and sadly, without the same outcome. My family thinks I am a freak about my girls & water but I really don’t think people get that it really only takes seconds! I see this at work way too frequently and often with awesome parents like you. I’m so thankful your little man is still with you to squeeze.
I remember last year when Tommy was born, a few days after, I was thinking how weird it was that you hadn’t commented on his birth story. Not in a “what a jerk!” way, but in a “I know Darcie would be flipping out over this, where is she?” way. When I finally got my new mom head together and clicked over and read what happened with Jayce, my heart swooped and I thanked God that he was okay. I am still so thankful.