I got a ticket today.
Ticket, as in moving traffic violation.
This, my friends, is a first for me. The first blemish on my spotless 16-year driving record. And I’m none too happy.
Technically, I was cited for “wasting finite resources.” Which, in my case, meant that the officer who cited me was under the impression that I was speeding. Either that, or she was just shy of making her ticketing quota for the month of August and I was a wrongplacewrongtime casualty.
She claimed that her radar “strongly” lit me up speeding.
I’m far from convinced. But that, apparently, is beside the point. Or at least it is for now. We’ll see what the judge has to say though.
The kicker?
The kicker was that this highway patrolwoman had the nerve to approach my car and explain to me that I was being cited for “wasting finite resources” while her patrol car idled behind us.
Um? Finite resources. Ahem.
She proceeded to take my license and registration.
Her car idled.
She walked back to her car and radioed in to check for warrants (because, you know in my spare time I have this pesky habit of knocking off banks and stuff).
Her car idled.
She came back and argued with me about the validity of her claim.
Her car idled.
The gas it was a guzzlin’ friends. I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if her AC was blaring all the while. And yet still, she ticketed me for “wasting finite resources.” As I sat in my parked minivan with the engine turned off, our reusable shopping bags laying on the seat next to me.
Finite resources. Uh-huh.
It took everything I had to zip my lip. Because I had plenty to say about finite resources. Like the fossil fuels that were burning their way through her gas tank. Or the triplicate paper she used to write me a bogus ticket. And that’s saying nothing of the tax dollars wasted on ticketing a homemaker in a minivan, on her way home from a visit to the park with her four-year-old gangsta preschooler.
Finite resources.
I’d love to tell you more but yo, some homey in the hood just blew powder and now I gotz to blow ‘for the PoPo come light us up and send us ovah. Yo.
Or something like that. :)


