I brought her home from the hospital to a trinket box house at the end of a dusty dirt road. Space was a luxury; I had to turn sideways and squeeze past her crib to crawl into bed. Her cord hadn’t even fallen off when I found myself crying postpartum-y tears because there was this stack of diapers and nursing pads and quite suddenly it hit me–the starting over again. There was a fault line. Her being my second, I knew that sleepless nights and scary fevers and impossible potty-training snaked up a windy mountain peak. But then the soft of her head and the chub of her fingers soothed like the sweetest whispered promise–the promise of a lifetime to work it all out.
but when you look up there is a red Jeep in the driveway and off it goes with her inside. Not just inside but at the wheel of a life all her own.
In the most rare and fleeting moments there comes a flicker of something that doesn’t have a name and it shines in her eyes and for a second it tricks me into thinking that it’ll never pass. It tricks me like it did when first she curled against me from the outside and I was overwhelmed by the days stacked before me. It sings this siren song of unending days and moments that go on forever.
For a second I let myself believe even though I know better.
Someday closes in like a threat. Someday when all of the tomorrows I thought I still had have suddenly become a yesterday. Someday when she’ll wander around a corner and the road will stretch out further than she can see. Someday when she’ll take that first step and then the next one will come easier and the next one easier still. Someday when all on her own she’ll stock a fridge and pay the rent and decide when to call it a night. Someday when she’ll come home with a speck of a sparkle on her finger and she’ll tell me he’s the one. Someday when she’ll feel a curious could-it-be flutter and then an undeniable kick and bursting with hope she’ll choose a name.
I recently had the honor of attending a very special blogging conference in Phoenix: the Disney Social Media Moms on the Road Celebration. I trust we needn’t go in to my love of all things pixie-dusted; suffice it to say that I was thrilled with the opportunity to learn from the industry’s best, alongside my tribe of people. The event featured a carefully-selected group of speakers who presented on some of the topics most relevant to social media professionals today. Oh, and Grumpy Cat was on hand for photos, too (which–you have to admit–is entirely awesome). With all of that […]
A couple of months ago, I asked my Facebook community to chime in with inspiration for ice cream flavors. Their responses equated to a virtual jackpot of deliciousness. I’ll be trying several more of the suggestions over the next few months, but I absolutely had to push this one in particular to the tippy top of the list. Jenny responded to my Facebook question, telling me that her local ice cream shop, Grand Ole Creamery, has a flavor they call Black Hills Gold. She explained it as caramel ice cream with chunks of Oreo, pralines and pecans. It’s sounds insanely […]
It’s been over a month since with one ticket round-trip and and the other one-way I got on a plane with her and we flew to Florida. We shopped and we ate ice cream. We bought toilet paper and sponges for her first apartment. And then I stood outside on a curb and while I squeezed her I opened my eyes to memorize every color of that most impossible goodbye. I went back to the hotel alone and I let the phone go unanswered in favor of sobbing until my eyes swelled and throbbed. My mom texted: You okay? I […]
Visiting Boston has been on my travel wish list for a long time. Jayce and I recently had the opportunity to tag along on a business trip with Jeff. While the big guy was spending his days in business meetings, the little guy and I were off exploring the city. We had a great time! Here is a glimpse at what we did. Day 1: Boston Public Garden On our first day in the city, we visited Boston Common and the Boston Public Garden. Boston Common wasn’t terribly exciting, but the Public Garden was gorgeous. Coming from the desert, we […]